Category Archives: Video Games

165. Wishing I Had My Own Theme Music

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This Monday, March 4, is Be Nice to Someone on the Internet Day. That said, follow the good (or bad?) example of Scar from The Lion King and be prepared!

People in video games get their own theme music. I envy them.

Take Princess Zelda from the Legend of Zelda games. She has a wonderful musical theme. Seriously, check it out on YouTube. It’s beautiful. The soft, lovely notes of this song reflect Zelda’s character: kind, pure and gentle.

On the other end of the scale we have charming psychopaths like Sephiroth, a truly daunting villain. His musical theme is… not beautiful. It’s actually kind of terrifying. Somewhere between the chanting choir and the screaming guitars, the player gets a strong impression that Sephiroth is not a nice person.

I wish I had a leitmotif, my own personal musical theme that accompanied me everywhere. I would, of course, want to be able to switch it on and off at will. An epic musical theme might not be the best thing to have, say, during a church service.

If I could have my own theme music, here are a few possibilities.

“I Can Do It When It Counts, Pal!”

Dick Gumshoe is an incompetent, good-natured, ramen noodle-munching detective from the Ace Attorney games. This upbeat arrangement of his musical theme is simply fantastic. (Seriously, just listen to dat bass.) I’m generally a cheerful person, so I think the song fits. Besides, I really like ramen noodles.

“Detective Conan Theme”

This song is similar to the last one, but bigger and more exciting. The exuberant bass is toned down and replaced with cheerful brass, epic strings and (why not?) some electric guitar. I’m no detective, but I wish this theme were mine.

“Skyrim Theme”

All right, I admit it. I included this song simply because it’s awesome. It doesn’t fit my personality at all, but I still kind of wish it were my leitmotif. Honestly, who wouldn’t?

“BRODYQUEST”

Yes, I’m joking. Well, sort of joking.

If you could have your own personal musical theme, what would it be? Let us know in the comments!

141. Let’s Make Better Christian Video Games

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It’s a bitter truth, but we must face it bravely.

Christian video games stink.

Almost without exception, Christian video games are cheap knockoffs of mainstream video games. Christians have made superb contributions to practically every other medium in the world—art, music, literature, film—but not video games.

Why is this?

Well, there are lots of reasons. Video games require money to make, and Christians are a minority demographic in the video game industry. It’s more profitable to make games for larger audiences. More to the point, most Christian video games seem to be made by developers with good intentions, microscopic budgets and practically no experience. The fact that Christian video games tend to be derivative, preachy and poorly designed doesn’t help.

Perhaps the greatest problem is that Christian game developers often focus too much on the message of the games. (This may sound blasphemous, but please hear me out.) Other media can focus primarily on message and succeed, but video games are different.

Video games are built upon gameplay, the way a player interacts with the game. Elements like story, theme and message are secondary. The Mario games, which are amazing, feature the same story over and over again: rescue the princess from the bad guy. Many excellent games have no message—they’re simply entertaining. Even games like Portal and Bioshock with clever plots, deep themes and well-developed characters work only because they are fun to play. For a video game to have a compelling message, it must first have good gameplay.

That’s where Christian video games seem to fail. No matter how good their messages, these games are too flawed for any gamer to care. A video game must succeed as a video game before it can succeed as anything else.

How can we fix Christian video games? Listen up, Christian video game developers. (You all read this blog, right?) I’ve got some suggestions for you.

Focus on gameplay. Don’t preach. Let the game captivate the player with its excellence before introducing profound messages. Put together an adequate budget before starting development. Work with experienced developers. Did I already advise you not to preach? Borrow—but don’t steal—elements from other games. Get lots of feedback. Market your game cleverly and extensively to both Christian and mainstream demographics.

You still need ideas? All right, here are a few concepts for Christian video games that might actually be worth playing. When you make one of these games, just list me in the credits as Creative Consultant.

Underground

Genres: action-adventure, open world, stealth

Influences: Assassin’s Creed series, Metal Gear Solid series

It is the dawn of the fourth century A.D. Diocletian, Emperor of Rome, has intensified the persecution of Christians: burning sacred texts, leveling church buildings and brutally executing Christian leaders. In this time of terror and darkness, a young Christian—let’s call him Socrates—volunteers to be a courier, delivering urgent messages and carrying out secret missions for underground churches.

Underground would borrow much from Assassin’s Creed with its emphasis on historical details, roaming a vast environment and sneaking around without getting caught by the bad guys.

Unlike Assassin’s Creed, the focus of the game wouldn’t be assassination. Socrates would parkour his way around Rome and the surrounding country: clambering over rooftops, creeping through sewers, clinging to the undersides of chariots and generally getting from Point A to Point B without getting caught. (Socrates would also avoid detection by hiding in clay jars, Solid Snake-style.) Since the early church frowned upon murder, killing an enemy would be an instant Game Over. Socrates would have to find creative, nonlethal methods for incapacitating his foes.

Add a story rife with intrigue, betrayal and excitement, and Underground could work.

Pilgrim’s Progress

Genres: RPG, action-adventure

Influences: Legend of Zelda series, Final Fantasy XII, God of War series

The plot of John Bunyan’s classic allegory is perfect for a video game: an unlikely hero sets out on a quest, receives a sword, fights monsters, traverses dangerous environments and finally reaches a happy ending.

Pilgrim’s Progress would give players the choice of playing as either Christian or Christiana. Setting out from the City of Destruction, the player would follow a mostly linear path through exotic locales like the Slough of Despond and the Valley of the Shadow of Death, defeating enemies, solving puzzles and collecting treasures along the way. The ultimate goal? The Celestial City, a place of safety and rest.

The game would include RPG elements like experience points and leveling up, and equipment could be upgraded. Special weapons and tools would be used for combat and puzzle-solving. (Who wouldn’t want to use the Staff of Moses to cross a heretofore impassible river, or the Light of the Word to illuminate a dark cavern?) Progress would be recorded at Save Points. These would also provide a feature called Pilgrim’s Journal, which would allow the player to revisit areas explored previously. (This feature would keep the player from physically backtracking, which is antithetical to the plot of Pilgrim’s Progress.)

The story would have to be tweaked a bit, of course. Although there are one or two “boss battles” in the original allegory, I suggest adding more. For example, there really ought to be a final boss battle right before the player crosses the River of Death to reach the Celestial City. Perhaps Christian (or Christiana) could confront his (or her) greatest fear or worst temptation or something.

Gun for Hire

Genres: third-person shooter, adventure

Influences: Resident Evil 4, Ace Attorney series

Daniel Grey is a private investigator whose tiny office is a mess. A worn duster is draped over the back of his chair. Across his desk are scattered a revolver, a fedora, a Bible and a cup of coffee. When a businessman comes begging him to recover his kidnapped daughter, Grey has only one condition: “Nobody dies.”

As a third-person shooter, Gun for Hire would have plenty of shooting. Grey would venture into some pretty shady places, and bullets would fly. As with Underground, however, killing an enemy would mean an instant Game Over. The game would challenge the player to find creative uses for firearms. When shot, certain pipes would vent clouds of steam to blind foes. A well-aimed bullet would bring a shelf crashing down on an unsuspecting criminal, and shattering a dog’s chain would set it free to chase away potential threats. Of course, a pragmatic player could simply shoot to injure enemies, or knock them out with a blackjack and leave them tied up in a closet.

The game would also focus on investigation, allowing players to examine areas for clues. Important things—facts, documents and miscellaneous items—would be filed away as clues. Aligning the right clues would lead to conclusions. Clues and conclusions would be used as keys to unlock answers in conversations with suspects, eventually leading to each mystery’s solution. Gun for Hire would balance exploration and shooting with investigation and perhaps a few puzzles.

The cases in Gun for Hire would be part of an overarching story involving a criminal conspiracy. The game would be set in a big city, probably in the early twentieth century. Daniel Grey would be a Wanderer-Hero with a strong faith, a kind heart, a quick wit and a tragic past. (Why does he drink so much coffee? Is he sublimating a craving for drugs or liquor into a harmless addiction, or simply using the buzz of caffeine to distract himself from some painful memory?) Strong gameplay, clever writing and good acting could make Gun for Hire a great game.

Will some experienced developer please make a good Christian video game? Someone? Anyone?

126. TMTF’s Top Ten RPGs Everyone Should Play

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What is an RPG, you ask?

Maybe you don’t ask, but I’ll tell you anyway.

An RPG, or Role-Playing Game, is a genre of video game in which the player controls a character or group of characters that becomes stronger by vanquishing enemies. Besides fighting, most RPGs feature great music, engaging stories and vast worlds to explore.

I love RPGs. They offer deep, challenging gameplay and some of the best storytelling I’ve seen in video games. Since TMTF features top ten lists occasionally, I decided to list the top ten RPGs every person on Earth—well, every gamer on Earth—should play.

A few discerning readers may note an egregious lack of The Elder Scrolls, Dragon Age and other Western RPG franchises.

Western RPGs tend to be non-linear, allowing the player to create the story with his or her actions. Japanese RPGs tend to be linear, giving the player fewer opportunities to shape the story. Both approaches are valid, but I prefer the powerful, carefully-scripted stories of Japanese RPGs to the malleable—but often weaker—stories of Western RPGs.

This top ten list demonstrates my preference for Japanese RPGs. My apologies in advance to all the gamers whose favorites didn’t make the cut.

Without further explanation, TMTF is proud to present…

The TMTF List of Top Ten RPGs Everyone Should Play!

10. Final Fantasy VII (PlayStation)

This game hasn’t aged as gracefully as the others on this list, but I had to include it anyway. Despite poor graphics, a slightly confusing story and horrendous localization, Final Fantasy VII is a classic, featuring a huge world to explore, memorable characters, impossibly large (and proportionately awesome) swords and several really touching moments.

9. Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story (Nintendo DS)

This is a good game with things like music and graphics and gameplay, but Fawful is the best thing. Fawful, a villain who is evil, stylishly mangles the language of English. His dialogue sparkles with the brilliance of shiny goldfish. Quirky, funny writing is the ham on the delicious sandwich of this game, and Fawful is the mustard on that ham—the mustard of awesome! Fawful guarantees that a winner is you if you play Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story.

8. EarthBound (Super Nintendo Entertainment System)

RPGs almost always feature either a medieval or steampunk setting, with a few futuristic sci-fi games rounding out the genre. EarthBound is different. Its world is very much like our own, and its hero is a boy named Ness who goes on a journey with his friends—children wielding baseball bats, frying pans, bottle rockets and psychic powers—to save the world from a malevolent entity known as Giygas. Bright visuals, quirky humor and some surprisingly dark turns make EarthBound one of the most memorable games I’ve ever played.

7. Radiant Historia (Nintendo DS)

With a creative take on time travel, Radiant Historia gives a secret agent named Stocke the ability to travel between two alternative timelines, exploring possible futures in his quest to find “true history” and prevent the world from turning to sand. The story begins slowly and characterization could be stronger, but Radiant Historia gives players clever battle mechanics and two intriguing plotlines. The game feels both new and familiar, blending tradition and innovation in one truly excellent adventure.

6. Final Fantasy Tactics Advance (Game Boy Advance)

In Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, a tactical RPG, a boy named Marche and several of his friends are transported by a magic book into an illusory world imagined into existence by—metafictional plot twist!—a gamer who loves Final Fantasy games. Marche resolves to dispel the illusion, confronting friends and enemies alike in his quest to restore the real world. A compelling story, endless side quests and remarkably deep gameplay make this game a masterpiece.

5. Final Fantasy XII (PlayStation 2)

A refreshing change from turn-based RPGs, Final Fantasy XII uses a simple game mechanic to let players “program” characters to fight automatically and allows players to jump in at any instant and take direct control. This approach has met with mixed reactions, but I think it works well: it cuts out tedious fighting without sacrificing the need for strategy. Besides efficient battle mechanics, this game boasts exotic areas to explore, dangerous monsters to hunt, well-developed characters, superb acting and the best writing I’ve ever seen in a video game.

4. Kingdom Hearts (PlayStation 2)

I won’t lie: Kingdom Hearts is weird. This action RPG throws Disney films and Final Fantasy characters together into a bizarre, strangely captivating story. Its sequels feature gameplay improvements, but I recommend Kingdom Hearts because it’s the first chapter of the series. (The story is complicated enough without the player jumping in partway through.) The game’s presentation is superb, with great acting and catchy music. The gameplay is deeply satisfying. Even the confusing story has a number of poignant moments—and putting Cloud Strife and Donald Duck in a game together is nothing short of brilliant!

3. Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (Nintendo GameCube)

It must be very hard to dislike this game. Bright, paper-like visuals and hilarious writing bring to life a story that never takes itself too seriously yet manages to be compelling. The turn-based battles never become tedious; players are kept engaged by timed button presses and quick tilts of the control stick. Apart from solid gameplay and delightful dialogue, Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door stands out as the only game in the world to turn the gaming industry’s most recognizable character into a paper airplane.

2. Final Fantasy VI (Super Nintendo Entertainment System, Game Boy Advance)

It’s hard to know even where to begin. This game refines the traditional turn-based battles of the Final Fantasy series. The characters—ranging from a world-weary gambler to an inquisitive feral child—are characterized brilliantly and developed carefully throughout the game. The music, from “Terra’s Theme” to “Battle,” is incredible. The story is haunting: a tale of friends searching for hope and for each other in a world gone mad. Although it may be a bit old-fashioned for gamers raised on modern RPGs, I can hardly recommend Final Fantasy VI enough. (Play the Game Boy Advance version; the localization of the original SNES release is notoriously bad.)

1. Chrono Trigger (Super Nintendo Entertainment System, Nintendo DS)

I thought long and hard about Chrono Trigger, trying to find some fault to complain about. In the end, the best I could come up with is that the original localization was weak—a problem fixed in the Nintendo DS rerelease—and the bonus content in the rerelease fails to live up to the excellence of the original game. That’s it. Everything else is perfect: epic music, ingenious battle mechanics, beautiful graphics, an eclectic cast of well-developed characters and a unique time-traveling story. Dinosaurs? Check. Enchanted knights? Check. Derelict robot factories? Check. Ancient civilizations and islands floating in the sky? Check and check. This game has everything. Play it!

O people of the Internet, what RPGs would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments!

118. Video Game Clichés

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Video games operate by their own quirky rules, most of which differ wildly from real life. Consider how Mario, a portly plumber with short legs, can jump roughly ten feet into the air without a running start. In real life, Mario might manage ten inches, but not much more.

Many of these strange video game rules have become patterns repeated over the years, and some of these patterns have been worn to clichés. Here are just a few.

Spikes

In video games, deadly spikes are everywhere. A villain’s lair? Spikes. An ancient castle? Spikes. An ordinary meadow? Spikes. Along with bottomless pits, spikes are the standard obstacle in video games.

It would be nice to see some alternatives to spikes. Electric fences, perhaps? Buried explosives? Buckets of piranhas?

On a logistical note, I wonder who installs spikey obstacles in video games. Maybe villains outsource to construction companies for spike installations.

Big swords

I’ve already written about this one, and I don’t really have anything to add except for one brief observation: they may be clichéd, but huge swords are awesome.

Revealing outfits

Ladies in video games often wear tight, revealing outfits. Even when male warriors are clad from head to foot in heavy armor, females charge into battle with bosoms, legs or midriffs exposed. There may be some significant tactical advantage to fighting in a swimsuit, but I can’t imagine what it might be.

Death as a temporary condition

Unlike real life, in which death is permanent, many video games present death as a temporary affliction—much like the common cold. Administer a one-up mushroom, some phoenix down or a fairy in a bottle, and death is cured.

Variations include reviving characters through magic, time travel, advanced science or some other implausible means. Another version of this cliché is to fake the death of important characters.

Not to be cruel, but it’s always a bit of a relief when characters actually die. You know, permanently.

Puppet villains

Too many video game bad guys are revealed to be pawns controlled by greater villains. It’s almost more surprising to me when there’s no unexpected plot twist and the obvious villain turns out to be the bad guy after all!

Ice levels

There’s even a song about this one.

Cheerful, perky sidekicks

From a storytelling perspective, giving the hero a happy, optimistic companion makes sense. Such sidekicks can provide comic relief, act as a foil to more serious characters or brighten the mood of scenes that might otherwise be too bleak.

Even so, I’m tired of cheerful companions. I want a cynical sidekick: one who is pessimistic, sarcastic, gloomy, unsentimental and dryly humorous.

Breaking and entering

People in video games don’t seem to mind you entering their houses and stealing their stuff. As the hero of the game, you’re permitted trespass on private property and take whatever items are left conveniently lying around.

Link, the hero from the Legend of Zelda games, is notorious for smashing pots belonging to other people in his relentless search for cash. Almost every RPG I’ve ever played allows the player to loot the homes of innocent civilians.

What video game clichés have we missed? Let us know in the comments!

117. How to Kill Off Fictional Characters

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Be ye warned: Here there be spoilers; specifically, plot details for Radiant Historia, the Harry Potter books and To Kill a Mockingbird.

Every fiction writer, no matter how inexperienced, possesses an ability with the potential to make readers rejoice or rage or weep. Although this ability can be powerful, too many writers fail to use it well.

Fiction writers can kill off their characters.

I’m currently playing Radiant Historia, a delightfully well-crafted RPG for the Nintendo DS. The story is set in a fantasy world in which two nations are at war over their continent’s dwindling supply of fertile land. Stocke, a secret agent, is given the task of saving the world using a magical book called the White Chronicle.

Early on, Stocke meets a young soldier named Kiel who hero-worships him. Although insecure, overenthusiastic and awkward, Kiel longs to serve his country and become a hero like Stocke.

Kiel, Stocke and their companion Rosch are suddenly plunged into a crisis. Rosch is critically injured. Enemy soldiers are patrolling the area, and it’s only a matter of time before Stocke and his companions are found and executed on the spot.

After hesitating for a moment, Kiel proclaims, “I’ll go and draw their attention!” Stocke objects, offering himself as a decoy in order to let Rosch and Kiel escape. Rosch insists they save themselves and leave him to die.

Kiel responds by shouting: “Sergeant Stocke! Thank you for everything!”

Then he’s gone.

In the end, Stocke and Rosch escape to safety. Kiel is surrounded by enemy soldiers and brutally executed.

I was staggered. Kiel was dead. The story fooled me into thinking he was just a background character, and then ended his life in a scene that made me want to cry.

That, dear reader, is how to kill a fictional character.

In the Harry Potter books, Dumbledore seems invincible, untouchable, immortal. He’s too good to die. He dies.

In To Kill a Mockingbird, Atticus Finch defends Tom Robinson with all his heart and soul. When Tom is convicted, Atticus resolves to appeal the sentence. He never has the chance. Tom makes a break from prison and is gunned down. Just like that, Tom Robinson, whom Atticus has spent the entire novel trying to save, is dead.

I’m not an expert when it comes to murdering characters in fiction. I kill off too many people in my novel—and spare one or two characters that probably should have died—but there is at least one death that matters. Those who’ve read The Trials of Lance Eliot know exactly to what I’m referring. One character dies who does not deserve to die.

Killing off characters should not be done lightly. If too many characters are killed, the reader is desensitized to death. Consider action films, in which dozens or hundreds of people are killed (in highly stylized and carefully choreographed scenes) and nobody cares.

Let me give just one more example of how to kill off characters.

There is an excellent anime called Trigun featuring Vash the Stampede (whose beaming face has already been featured on this blog). Despite his unmatched skill as a gunslinger, Vash is a pacifist. He resolves conflicts without killing anybody. When faced with two violent solutions to a problem, he invents a peaceful third solution.

One of the best things about Trigun is how Vash slowly unravels as he witnesses the carnage around him. People die. Lots of people die. Trigun has just as many fights as any action movie. For Vash, however, every casualty is a tragedy. Every death tears him apart. In the end, Trigun is a story about Vash coming to terms with himself and the violent world in which he lives.

When watching Trigun, the viewer comes to care about the victims, even the nameless background characters, because Vash does. He reminds the viewer that each death matters.

Asleep yet? No? Good. Let’s get practical.

Characters should not be killed off lightly

Don’t kill off a character just because you can. Death matters in real life. It should matter in fiction.

Don’t kill off too many undeveloped characters

Let’s face it. Nobody cares about the minor characters. Kill them off when the plot requires it, but don’t get too carried away. Deaths lose their emotional impact if they happen too often. When possible, save it for characters that matter.

The death of characters works well when it’s totally unexpected—or when it’s totally expected

Consider the examples of Kiel and Dumbledore. Part of what makes their deaths so powerful is that they’re unexpected. They happen suddenly, without much warning. Most players and readers are unprepared for them.

At the same time, however, foreshadowing can be a great way to make readers feel for a character. We feel pity when we’re sure a good character is going to die. A doomed character’s actions are poignant, and that character’s death is more moving when it comes.

What writers should avoid is killing off people whom readers suspect might die simply for being a certain type of character. If an obnoxious jerk is featured early in a detective story, for example, he often turns out to be the murder victim.

Quick, brutal deaths work well

There are enough slow, overdramatic deaths in fiction. People don’t usually die in the arms of loved ones after uttering beautiful last words. It’s a mistake to make every death in fiction emotionally satisfying. In real life, how many are?

Killing off minor characters can be a good way to develop major characters

When a military officer executes a civilian for stepping on his toe, we might not be moved by the death of the civilian—but you can bet we learn something about the military officer.

What’s your advice for killing off fictional characters? Let us know in the comments!

103. Elite Beat Agents

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I don’t think it’s possible to play Elite Beat Agents and be depressed at the same time.

Released for the Nintendo DS, Elite Beat Agents is a rhythm game that features one of the strangest (and most brilliant) premises of any video game ever.

A specialized government agency is devoted to helping desperate people through the inspirational power of song. When a person reaches a point of critical distress, three agents in black suits and sunglasses arrive on the scene and…dance. Motivated by the agents and their fabulous performances, the person overcomes all obstacles and succeeds.

The gameplay in Elite Beat Agents consists mostly of tapping spots on a touchscreen to the rhythm of the music. In spite of its simplicity, the gameplay is engaging and satisfying.

Elite Beat Agents uses a bright, exaggerated, comic-book style. Its humor is quirky, and some of the situations from which the agents rescue hapless people are delightfully absurd.

Sure, they start out innocently enough: a babysitter struggles to keep three kids under control, for example, and a lost dog tries to find his way home.

Then the agents find themselves helping Leonardo da Vinci convince the Mona Lisa to become the subject of his next painting—and motivating white blood cells to cure an athlete before an important competition—and inspiring an ex-baseball star to rescue kids in a theme park from a fire-breathing golem.

The game becomes steadily weirder, and proportionately more awesome.

Each scene is set to a popular song, such as “September” by Earth, Wind and Fire or “You’re the Inspiration” by Chicago. If the colorful visuals, goofy humor and compelling gameplay were not enough, the catchy music settles it: Elite Beat Agents is an excellent game.

It’s also a fine way to beat depression. Apart from its jolly, silly style, the game takes a good deal of concentration. It’s awfully hard to be depressed and keep the beat.

That’s just the inspirational power of song.

99. Pencil Drawings

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My old man is a great artist, and his portrait of my typewriter monkeys at work—work being a relative term—graces TMTF’s banner. Sadly, neither I nor my older brother inherited any of my old man’s artistic skill. My younger brother, however, is turning into an excellent artist, and I’m proud today to share some of his work. Check out his deviantART page for more awesome artwork!

I’m not sure why he needs the sunglasses or the sake jug, but Auron is one cool dude.

This excellent portrait of Cloud Strife leaves me with one question: Which is sharper, the sword or the hair?

Besides being brave and noble, Link has a great fashion sense.

Featuring Vash the Stampede, a legendary outlaw, this may be the most awesome wanted poster in the history of history.

97. TMTF’s Top Ten Video Game Heroes

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Having previously posted a top ten list of video game villains, I felt obligated to put together a list for video game heroes, thus restoring equilibrium.

According to the standards of this list, a video game character must be playable in order to qualify as a hero.

Without further preamble, TMTF is excited to present…

The TMTF List of Top Ten Video Game Heroes!

10. Mario (Mario series)

The first thing to be said about Mario is that he has a fabulous ’stache. Equally impressive are his inexhaustible heroism and wide range of talents. When he’s not busy racing karts, competing in athletic events or curing viruses, Mario can usually be found trying to rescue his beloved Princess Peach, whose fate is to be kidnapped pretty much every time she steps outside. Apart from his mustache, chivalry and mad skills, Mario deserves a place on this list because…well…he’s Mario.

9. Samus Aran (Metroid series)

Unlike many women in video games, Samus Aran is no damsel in distress. Ms. Aran, a skilled bounty hunter, is quite comfortable fighting hostile extraterrestrials and exploring the uncharted depths of alien planets. Samus Aran’s high-tech armor is another good reason to give her a place on this list. Her suit is packed with all sorts of nifty weapons, tools and gadgets. It’s also modest and sensible—unlike many of the outfits women in video games are forced to wear.

8. Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy VII)

Introduced as an aloof soldier, Cloud is revealed to be a man with a tragic past, struggling to forgive himself and atone for his mistakes. He’s also kind of a jerk, which is why I debated putting him on this list. Cloud won me over in the end: partly because he’s a compelling character, and mostly because he’s ridiculously cool. Although his redemption is a major theme of Final Fantasy VII, most players remember Cloud for his impossibly large sword.

7. Sora (Kingdom Hearts series)

The protagonists in many RPGs are bitter, taciturn outcasts. (Ahem, Cloud Strife.) Sora is a refreshing exception to the rule: cheerful, friendly, fiercely loyal to his friends and always ready to help. Chosen by destiny to wield a weapon called the Keyblade, Sora is thrown into a universe in which all worlds are under attack by dark, mysterious creatures known as the Heartless. Sora never loses hope, no matter how desperate the situation, and he’s a genuinely nice guy.

6. Marche Radiuju (Final Fantasy Tactics Advance)

Yes, Marche Radiuju is an obscure character. Yes, his outfit is absurd. No, I don’t know how to pronounce his last name. Setting aside these concerns, Marche is quite a hero. When he and his friends become trapped in a fantasy world, he takes it upon himself to open a way for them to go home. Marche grows from a timid boy into a fearless leader, exploring new places, conquering vicious foes and even confronting his friends in order to do what he believes is right. He might not be as famous as some of the other heroes on this list, but Marche Radiuju is no less heroic.

5. Balthier (Final Fantasy XII)

The self-proclaiming leading man of Final Fantasy XII, Balthier is a sky pirate with a fabulous fashion sense. He was a powerful politician years ago, but he’s cleaned up his act (as he would put it) and become an honest brigand. Balthier has a strong sense of justice and loyalty, which he’s careful to hide behind an indifferent manner, a sharp wit and a truly staggering ego. In a story full of bitterness and betrayal, Balthier shines like the star he claims to be.

4. Frog (Chrono Trigger)

Although he appears to be a monstrous amphibian, Frog was once a brave lad named Glenn. A sorcerer called Magus murdered Glenn’s mentor and cursed the unlucky lad with a frog’s shape, ruining his ambitions of becoming a knight. Glenn abandoned his name and took up the lonely life of a vigilante. As the kingdom comes under attack, he joins the battle to defend it from Magus and his minions. Frog’s bravery, chivalry, unique appearance, intriguing characterization and epic musical theme earn him a place on this list.

3. Aerith (Final Fantasy VII)

Aerith is a paradox. She’s angelic and ethereal, yet down-to-earth and friendly. In the slums of Midgar—a dark, dirty place full of trash, monsters and ruined buildings—Aerith keeps a garden and sells flowers to make a living. The heroes of Final Fantasy VII are mostly embittered, tough and cynical. Aerith is cheerful, hopeful and compassionate. She has a beautiful musical theme, too. Then, halfway through the game, Aerith dies. Even though her dying actions help save the world, her companions (not to mention gamers everywhere) are left with a profound sense of loss.

2. Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney series)

Objection! Lawyers are not nearly so interesting as warriors, knights and bounty hunters. A mere lawyer does not deserve so high a place on this list of video game heroes… or does he? In the case of this particular lawyer, I overrule all objections and present the court with the following statement: Phoenix Wright is awesome. A rookie defense attorney, Phoenix defends his clients with perseverance, sarcasm, luck, spiky hair and an unshakable belief that everyone deserves a fair trial.

1. Link (Legend of Zelda series)

Link lacks any intricate characterization or complicated backstory. He’s a silent protagonist, without so much as a word of dialogue. Why have I put him first on this list? Link isn’t merely a character—he’s an archetype. He is the Everyman, the unexpected hero who is snatched from a peaceful life, thrown into an adventure and pitted against a ruthless enemy. Link is a simple character, but his simplicity serves him well. Right from the beginning, the player gets it. No elaborate explanations are needed. Link is an ordinary guy who overcomes evil and becomes a hero. It’s an old story, and one that strikes a universal chord to this day.

O people of the Internet, what great video game heroes would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments!

85. TMTF’s Top Ten Video Game Villains

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TMTF has already featured a top ten list, but the old impulse to categorize things has stirred again deep within my blogger’s heart. This time, the object of my top-ten-list-mania is video game characters.

We cheer for the heroes, naturally, but—let’s be honest—the villains are usually much more interesting. Thus TMTF is excited to present…

The TMTF List of Top Ten Video Game Villains!

10. Dahlia Hawthorne (Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations)

Ace Attorney villains aren’t typical video game baddies: they don’t breathe fire, wield chainsaws or threaten to inflict any other kind of bodily harm. No, their villainy is much more insidious. The player must corner them in court and prove their guilt with hard evidence. Of all these criminals, none is creepier than Dahlia Hawthorne, a dainty young lady with a parasol and a lacy dress. Behind that fair façade lurks a vindictive, selfish and manipulative murderer. Although she wears a sweet smile, Hawthorne betrays her true nature by glaring murderously at any attorney foolish enough to cross her.

9. Bowser (Mario series)

Bowser may not be the most threatening villain—or even the most competent—but his tenacity is remarkable. After twenty-five years of trying to defeat Mario, he’s still at it. Bowser is delightfully self-conceited. At one point, he announces his entrance by roaring, “Did somebody page the king of awesome?” In spite of his shortcomings, he can also be pretty scary. Giga Bowser, anyone?

8. Majora (Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask)

Before reading further, go back and spend fifteen seconds looking at Majora’s Mask. Go on. I’ll wait for you. I could write lots about Majora, but everything I have to say is expressed much more eloquently in the mad, nihilistic stare of those horrible yellow eyes. Majora is demented, with no apparent motivation other than bringing the world to ruin. Ambitious, power-hungry villains are scary, but at least we understand them. Truly terrifying are villains like Majora, who are driven by nothing more than a detached, inexplicable determination to see the world burn.

7. Sarah Kerrigan (StarCraft series)

Sarah Kerrigan isn’t a villain at first—in fact, she’s hardly a major character. Kerrigan is introduced as an insurgent fighting to topple an oppressive government, and she seems like a pretty decent person. Then she’s betrayed by her superior, left to die and assimilated into the hostile extraterrestrial species known as the Zerg. Now a superhuman creature, she begins a campaign to conquer the sector, betraying allies and showing no mercy. Kerrigan’s unexpected descent into evil earns her a place on this list, along with the cool, casual way she grinds her enemies into the dust.

6. Giygas (Earthbound)

Earthbound is not a typical RPG. Its heroes aren’t warriors with swords and lances, but kids with baseball bats and frying pans. The game is cheerful, full of bright visuals and quirky humor. All this stands in stark contrast to its villain, possibly the freakiest enemy to appear in any video game ever. Giygas is… an extraterrestrial entity driven insane by its own power, maybe? Whatever it is, it looks terrifying and can speak only in the fragmented phrases expected of a creature whose consciousness has been dissolved by evil. The fact that it’s impossible to defeat without using a strange trick makes it that much scarier.

5. Lavos (Chrono Trigger)

Chrono Trigger is another unusual RPG, not to mention a masterpiece. The hero travels through time from prehistory to the far future, and his companions—a medieval knight, a cave woman and a dilapidated robot, among others—span the whole of the world’s history. Their enemy? An extraterrestrial parasite called Lavos that burrows into the world’s crust, spends millennia draining the planet’s life and emerges to reduce it to ashes. Lavos isn’t so much a character as a deadly force, a cross between a plague and a thousand atomic weapons, destined to destroy the world—unless the player can stop it first, of course.

4. GLaDOS (Portal series)

GLaDOS, a computer developed by Aperture Science, is childish, sarcastic, spiteful and surprisingly likable. It puts the game’s protagonist through a series of tests, promising her a slice of cake if she succeeds in passing them all. Only partway through the game does it become clear that GLaDOS is trying to kill her. Even after its sinister nature is revealed, the computer remains an engaging character. For an amoral machine, GLaDOS earns quite a lot of respect—and perhaps even sympathy—from the player. Plus, GLaDOS sings “Still Alive.” Need I say more?

3. Kefka Palazzo (Final Fantasy VI)

Yes, he looks a bit like Joker from the Batman franchise, and yes, he shares the same twisted sense of glee, but Kefka is unforgettable. Before Kefka, most RPG villains were distant, predictable tyrants, who relied upon minions to eliminate the protagonists and sometimes made brief appearances to taunt the player. Then Kefka appears on the scene—as a lackey. A servant of the evil Emperor Gestahl, Kefka runs like a coward every time the player confronts him. Through betrayal and deception, however, Kefka attains an ancient power and devastates the earth. In the end, the protagonists don’t save the world—they save what’s left of it. Besides his memorable rise to power, Kefka is notable for his nihilistic views and fantastic musical theme, the four-part, twelve-to-seventeen-minute “Dancing Mad.”

2. Ganon (Legend of Zelda series)

Ganon, also called Ganondorf, is one stubborn guy. Generations of heroes rise to confront him, yet he manages to press on, century after century, relentlessly seeking the powerful relic known as the Triforce. Each game gives a slightly different spin on Ganon’s character. In Ocarina of Time, he’s a thief: arrogant, treacherous and cruel. Wind Waker introduces us to a sorrowful, bitter Ganon, and Twilight Princess gives us a Ganon pulling strings from the shadows. In every game, whether controlling fiends, transforming into monsters or facing the hero in single combat, Ganon is a force with which to be reckoned.

1. Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII)

Don’t be fooled by the long silver hair and stylish coat—Sephiroth is about as evil as a villain can get. Tragic backstory full of disastrous misunderstandings? Check. Delusions of godlike grandeur? Check. Utter disregard for morality, conscience or decency? Check. Tendency to massacre innocent, unsuspecting people? Check. Driven by a lust for power and revenge, Sephiroth manipulates one protagonist, brutally murders another and casually inflicts all kinds of havoc upon the world. Add his epic musical leitmotif, “One Winged Angel,” and you’ve got a villain to give the bravest hero second thoughts.

O people of the Internet, what great video game villains would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments!

76. Super Mario Bros.

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The Mario games are weird.

There’s simply no way around it. Mario is the most recognizable character in the video game industry. His games are typically superb, whether he happens to be rescuing princesses, driving go-karts, playing sports or moonlighting as a medical doctor. He has moved far, far beyond his platforming roots and conquered almost every other video game genre in existence: puzzle games, racing games, sports games, roleplaying games, sucking-up-ghosts-with-a-vacuum-cleaner games—you name it, he’s probably done it.

The weird thing? Mario, the paragon of the video game industry, is a pudgy Italian plumber in a world populated by anthropomorphic mushrooms and fire-breathing turtles.

While one expects the rampageous strangeness of the Mario games to have some whimsical origin, most of it can be traced back to mundane things like gameplay mechanics and graphical limitations.

Mario’s trademark appearance owes everything to limited graphics. His hat was easier to animate than hair. His mustache was easier to animate than a mouth. Those stylish white gloves kept his hands from blending in with his overalls.

The other bizarre conventions of the Mario universe, from power-up mushrooms to warp pipes, all have logical explanations.

Mind you, that doesn’t make them any less weird.

Despite their oddities, the Mario games are usually excellent. There’s never much of a story—the bad guy kidnaps the princess, the princess is rescued by Mario, Mario gets a kiss from the princess—but the games make up for the lack of plot with ingenious gameplay and catchy music.

Even the oddness of the Mario games gives them a quirky sort of charm. A player can never be too sure of what will happen next. Mario grabs a mushroom and grows huge, or nabs a leaf and sprouts a raccoon tail, or gets a helicopter helmet and takes to the skies.

The world of Mario is a fanciful, lighthearted, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland sort of place. Anything can happen—and pretty much everything does.