Caution: This blog post contains furious ranting. Sensitive readers, and readers averse to things being smashed, are advised not to continue.
My memories of kindergarten are few and faint, but I have never forgotten its lessons. Kindergarten taught me the importance of picking up after myself—does anybody else remember the clean-up song?—and of occasionally taking breaks. Man, I miss those scheduled naps.
Among other lessons, kindergarten taught me that I shouldn’t interrupt others when they’re speaking. I didn’t practice this lesson very well, and sometimes still don’t, but at least I acknowledged it, even as a kindergartner.
Many people don’t practice this lesson, and some are apparently not even familiar with it. Instead of waiting patiently for others to finish speaking, in the manner of civilized human beings, they interrupt—sometimes with statements that are completely unrelated, proving they weren’t really listening, or simply didn’t care.
An interruption says, implicitly, “Screw whatever you want to say. What I have to say is more important, because I am more important.”
Interruptions are rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate. They make me mad. They make me really mad… and bad things… happen… when… I….
TIME FOR HULK, BUT ONLY WHEN YOU DONE SPEAKING.
YOU DONE SPEAKING, PUNY BLOG-MAN? HULK NO WANT TO INTERRUPT. YOU DONE? GOOD. IT HULK TURN NOW.
INTERRUPTION IS DOUBLE INSULT. IT SAY, “I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINION,” AND ALSO, “YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO MY OPINION.” THESE STATEMENTS, TOGETHER, EQUAL, “I BELIEVE I AM BETTER, OR SMARTER, OR WORTH MORE THAN YOU.”
YOU MAY NOT SAY THESE WORDS, BUT INTERRUPTIONS SAY THEM IMPLICITLY. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
IF YOU WANT OTHERS TO LISTEN TO YOU, LISTEN TO OTHERS. DON’T BE HYPOCRITE. DON’T BE RUDE, DISRESPECTFUL, AND ARROGANT.
FURTHERMORE—
Hi there.
WHAT? WHO DARE INTERRUPT HULK?
You have, in a manner of speaking. I’m the part of your mind that stays sane and calm during your rants and rampages as the Hulk. I’m your rational subconscious.
HULK HAVE NO SUBCONSCIOUS. HULK JUST SOUND AND FURY. NOT COMPLICATED.
Hulk is a conflicted, psychologically fascinating individual, but that’s not the point.
Hulk is clearly a complex, sensitive person. Can’t you tell?
I’m interrupting your regularly scheduled rant to remind you of something important.
YOU BETTER HAVE GOOD REASON FOR INTERRUPTING HULK.
You’ve spent a lot of time ranting about things that annoy you, from butchered hymns to Black Friday to noisy people. Has ranting made any difference?
NO. THESE THINGS STILL ENRAGE HULK.
These bad things aren’t likely to change, you know. There will always be awful Internet ads, high prices for coffee drinks, and stinky people. Maybe, instead of ranting, you should practice patience. Set a good example. Be the change you want to see. Words, however loudly they’re spoken, go only so far. As you pointed out, actions speak louder than words.
YOU WERE LISTENING TO HULK.
I was.
GOOD EXAMPLE NOT GUARANTEED TO CHANGE BAD THINGS.
Neither is ranting. It acknowledges problems, but doesn’t fix them. Besides, does the world really need more noise and indignation?
YOU GIVE HULK THINGS TO THINK ABOUT. HULK THINK ABOUT THEM.
Glad to hear it.
ON BITTERSWEET NOTE, HULK BLOG SOON END. NO MORE HULK RANTS. HULK WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR READING. AND FOR NOT INTERRUPTING.
HULK OUT!
…Whoa, I spaced out for a minute. Was I talking about something? I feel like I was talking about something. Kindergarten, maybe? I barely remember it. I do miss scheduled naps, though.
Typewriter Monkey Task Force 