Caution: This blog post contains furious ranting. Sensitive readers, and readers averse to things being smashed, are advised not to continue.

Cleanliness is next to godliness. Well, it isn’t really, but it’s important anyway.

When human beings share the same space, whether a workplace or business or restaurant, a certain level of hygiene is imperative to prevent the spread of sickness. Besides, keeping at least somewhat clean is a sign of self-respect, and also of consideration for others.

That said, why in heaven’s name don’t some people wash their hands after using the bathroom?

Worse are stinky people. If I’ve offended any sensitive ears by saying this, I can only remind them of how badly my nose is offended by people who don’t bathe. Sometimes a little stink is unavoidable, such as after exercising or working hard, especially in hot weather: I understand that. Some people, especially among the elderly, are incontinent: I understand that, too. I work in a nursing home; I’m used to it. Incontinence isn’t a choice.

What bothers me are those who choose to be consistently dirty or smelly due to poor hygiene.

How hard is it to wash one’s hands, and to shower occasionally? Seriously. It… it makes me… angry. It makes me… want… to… to….

SMASH! CAPS LOCK ACTIVATED!

HULK TRY NOT TO JUDGE OTHERS. HULK KNOW EVERYONE FACES UNIQUE STRUGGLES AND CHALLENGES. THAT OKAY. POOR HYGIENE NOT OKAY. EXCEPT IN CASE OF APOCALYPSE, POOR HYGIENE PRACTICALLY INEXCUSABLE.

NOT WASHING HANDS, ESPECIALLY AFTER USING BATHROOM, SPREAD GERMS AND MAKE PEOPLE SICK. NO JOKE. AT WORST NOT WASHING HANDS MAKE OTHERS SUFFER. AT BEST? EVERYTHING UNWASHED HANDS TOUCH—DOORKNOBS, SHOPPING CARTS, MONEY, OTHER HANDS—COVERED IN BATHROOM GRIME. BATHROOM GRIME IS WORST KIND OF GRIME. HULK NOT WANT TO TOUCH YOUR GRIME.

WASHING HANDS TAKE THIRTY SECONDS. THIRTY SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE NOT MORE VALUABLE THAN HEALTH OF OTHERS. WASH YOUR [HULK EXPLETIVE] HANDS!

NOT BATHING IS JUST AS BAD. ANYONE CAN BATHE. IF YOU LIVE IN MODERN CIVILIZATION AND HAVE WATER, YOU CAN BATHE. IT NOT TAKE HIGHER EDUCATION. IT NOT TAKE MUCH MONEY. IT NOT TAKE CLASS OR SOPHISTICATION. IT TAKE SOAP AND WATER. SIMPLE.

EVEN HULK BATHE, AND HULK BUSY SAVING WORLD ALL THE TIME.

IF YOU NOT BATHE, YOU GET SICK. IS BAD FOR YOU. IS UNPLEASANT FOR OTHERS. BATHING NOT HARD. EVEN HULK BATHE, AND HULK NOT EVEN FIT IN SHOWER.

RESPECT YOURSELF. YOU VALUABLE AND UNIQUE. YOU TOO GOOD FOR NOT BATHING. RESPECT YOURSELF AND RESPECT OTHERS BY NOT STINKING.

HULK ALWAYS PRACTICE WHAT HULK PREACH. HULK SMELL LIKE PEPPERMINT AND SPRING FLOWERS. EVEN GREEN MONSTER HAVE TIME FOR SHOWER AND DEODORANT. HULK MEAN, CLEAN RAGE MACHINE.

BE CLEAN. PLEASE. RESPECT SELF AND OTHERS. WASH.

HULK OUT!

…Whoa, I just—what? Sorry. I slipped into a daze there for a minute. Sorry about that. Wait, why does my room smell like spring flowers and peppermint? Was it the Hulk? Oh, that Hulk. He’s kind of a jerk, but at least he smells nice!