Category Archives: Life, the Universe, and Everything

300. Creative Counseling with DRWolf

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In past months, I’ve felt burned out. Writing has been harder. I realized it was time for this blog to get some help, so I met with DRWolf—a creative thinker known for his work in the brony community—to discuss the problem. He was friendly, polite, and helpful. What I didn’t expect was for the good doctor actually to be… you know… a wolf.

I want to thank DRWolf for his time, consideration, and advice. I was sincerely interested in finding some answers, and he gave some really good ones. Keep up the fine work, Doctor. It was an honor to work with you.

I also want to thank Crowne Prince, animator extraordinaire, for the superb video. It’s absolutely fantastic, Ms. Prince. I appreciate your time and expertise!

As usual whenever I stumble over a blogging milestone, I have a few more words to say.

I owe a great debt of gratitude to my parents for their support and encouragement, and especially to my father for his tips and artwork. Without him, TMTF would probably not have lasted long. Thanks, old man. You’re the stoutest of Stout Fellas.

Next, a word to my typewriter monkeys: If you ever do that again, I will donate you to the zoo. I mean it this time.

Speaking of my monkeys, I guess they deserve some credit. Despite their laziness, pyromania, and extensive criminal record, I don’t know how I would keep TMTF up and running without my dirty dozen: Sophia, Socrates, Plato, Hera, Penelope, Aristotle, Apollo, Euripides, Icarus, Athena, Phoebe, and Aquila. Thanks, guys.

(I’m serious about the zoo, though. Behave yourselves for once!)

My readers have been far kinder to this blog than my monkeys ever have. To every person who has supported TMTF by commenting on it, sharing it, liking posts here or on Facebook, writing guest posts, celebrating Be Nice to Someone on the Internet Day, or simply reading the blog occasionally—thank you. Thank you so much. The greatest joy of a writer is to be read, and I appreciate every single one of you.

Finally—insofar as a blog about video games, Doctor Who, and exploding tomatoes can honor anybody—soli Deo gloria. Whatever my struggles, I hope these three words will always be my guiding principle for creativity.

On a less spiritual note… if I had a penny for every post I’ve written for this blog, I’d have enough money to go out and buy a cup of coffee. That’s pretty neat. All in all, thanks to all of you, it seems I haven’t quite run out of reasons to be creative.

I’d better keep writing.

299. I Am Not Batman

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Yes, I know this may come as a shock to some of my readers. Some may have been so sure that I am secretly the Caped Crusader: the legendary vigilante who dresses as a bat for some reason. It is not so.

I am not Batman.

One of These Is Not Batman

All the same, I sometimes hold myself to impossibly high, Batman-esque standards. I also have Batman Syndrome, obsessing over my failures and allowing little mistakes to cancel out great successes. I demand much of myself. I have to be productive. I have to get stuff done.

I forget that I’m not Batman. He may be the pinnacle of human strength, will, and intelligence, but I am not. I’m a guy who needs sleep, gets sick, and needs a day off now and then.

A few days ago, I was reading the latest post from an animator’s blog. Something he said struck a chord with me.

And tomorrow I’m taking the day off from everything and not working on anything . . . It’s been a long time since I took a day completely off, so it’s due. We need downtime. Our society doesn’t like that because we’re not being productive members of society when we don’t do anything, but if we’re always on 24/7, we burn out.

This man has clearly learned a valuable lesson. He understands that he is not Batman. No ordinary person can be on the go all the time, working constantly, never taking a break, expecting nothing less than absolute effort. Normal, non-Batman human beings need days to take naps, read a book, or play Mario Kart. Without those days, we break down. It’s not weakness or self-indulgence to relax occasionally. It’s a necessity.

I’m often busy even when I don’t have to be. More often than I care to admit, I wear myself out working on things that aren’t urgent—things that can wait until I’ve had a cup of tea, a walk to the park, or a good night’s rest. I get so accustomed to being busy that I feel guilty or panicked if I spend too long without doing something “productive.”

There’s something in the Old Testament about taking a day off every week: the Sabbath day. I usually file it away with all those rules about burnt offerings and unclean foods as a religious law that has become obsolete. I’m no longer so sure. Besides being healthy and sensible, taking days off seems like an affirmation of faith—a way of saying, “I trust God enough to give him today.”

Sometimes, determination and coffee aren’t enough: “Man shall not live by caffeine alone,” or something like that. I am not Batman, and I sometimes need a break.

Unless you’re Batman—I’m guessing you’re probably not—you may sometimes need a break, too. Don’t be afraid to take one!

295. In Defense of the Fist Bump

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In my twenty-odd years, I’ve done some traveling and been immersed in many different cultures. It’s been fascinating to observe different customs for greetings, goodbyes, and displays of respect or affection.

In Ecuador, where I grew up, it’s common for men and women to greet each other with hugs or kisses on the cheek. Uruguay, where my parents work, can be a little more effusive: men often greet other men with cheek kisses. The US, where I currently reside, generally frowns upon such intimate displays of affection; waves and handshakes are the norm. In South Korea, where I spent a month teaching, slight bows are used to demonstrate respect or gratitude.

Yes, I’ve seen all kinds of greetings. Which is the best? My all-time favorite greeting, by far, is the gentleman’s gesture known as the fist bump.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UttmsTo_hFU

The fist bump is quick, friendly, informal, and surprisingly healthy. Handshakes spread germs like nobody’s business. Besides, palms perspire and that’s gross. There’s also the discomfort that comes from knowing neither how hard to grip a hand nor for how long to hold it.

Hugs, especially with strangers or distant acquaintances, aren’t much better. Am I the only person who finds it awkward to press my body up against someone whom I don’t know well? It was also uncomfortable in Ecuador and Uruguay when people swooped in to kiss me.

I… actually have no criticisms for slight bows. I bow to people occasionally. It’s a pity bowing hasn’t caught on in the West.

Fist bumps are definitely my favorite greeting, though. They represent a kind of warm, casual friendliness while never getting too up close and personal. Fist bumps are quick, easy, and sanitary. As I work in a group home for gentlemen with disabilities—an environment in which no one washes his hands without being asked—fist bumps are an especially welcome alternative to handshakes.

If you ever happen to run into me, dear reader, feel free to give me a fist bump.

293. Adam Turns into the Hulk and Rants about Internet Ads

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Caution: This blog post contains furious ranting. Sensitive readers, and readers averse to things being smashed, are advised not to continue.

Life is full of necessary evils: taxes, dentists, and spinach, to name just a few. Of all these necessities, none are more evil than advertisements. Billboards are an eyesore and television commercials a nuisance, but Internet ads are the worst.

Yes, I understand the necessity of advertisements. Websites, blogs, and email services don’t pay for themselves. I appreciate these services, and I’m thankful to use them for free, but some of the ads they throw at me are abominably bad.

These adverts are misleading, intrusive, insulting, offensive, or simply so stupid as to be painful. They make me angry, and it ain’t pretty when I’m angry. Internet ads are such a blasted bother!

They’re terrible… make me sick… I really don’t feel well… stupid ads… I… I…

BLOG SMASH!

FREAKING ADS. SMASH! SMASH THEM ALL!

HULK HATE ADS. HULK HATE THEM ALL!

WELL, HULK THINK SOME ADS OKAY. SOME ADS CLEVER OR FUNNY. THESE ADS NOT BAD. HULK APPRECIATE TIME, EFFORT, AND CREATIVITY PUT INTO THEM.

(HULK NOW USE OXFORD COMMA. YOU NOTICE? HULK THANKS ALL WHO CHIMED IN ON GRAMMAR DEBATE!)

A FEW ADVERTS OKAY, BUT MANY INSULT HULK, LIKE SHADY ADS PROMISING HIGHER TESTOSTERONE, LARGER PENIS, EASY WEIGHT LOSS, OR BIGGER ABS. (HULK ALREADY HAVE BIG MUSCLES. NO NEED BIGGER ABS!) SUCH ADS ARE BLATANTLY FALSE ADVERTISING AND SHOULD BE SMASHED.

ON SUBJECT OF DISHONEST ADVERTISING, HULK HATE ADS DISGUISED AS COMPUTER UPDATES. SNEAKY ADS SAY THINGS LIKE “Click here to update Windows!” OR “Important updates are ready for download!” BUT ARE OBVIOUS FAKES. WHERE THEY LEAD? VIRUSES? PORN? HULK NOT WANT TO KNOW.

SOME ADS INTRUSIVE. WHEN HULK GO TO EMAIL OR NEWS SITE, AD SOMETIMES EXPAND TO TAKE UP WHOLE SCREEN. HULK MUST STOP, SEARCH FOR TINY “Close” ICON, AND SHUT WRETCHED AD.

ADVERTISEMENTS DESERVE SPACE ON INTERNET. HULK CONCEDE THAT. BUT ADS NOT WELCOME TO TAKE OVER HULK’S COMPUTER SCREEN. IT’S INAPPROPRIATE AS SALESPEOPLE BARGING INTO HULK’S HOME.

AND SOME ADS HAVE “Tweet” OR “Post to Facebook” OPTIONS. WHY WOULD HULK INFLICT ADS ON OTHER PEOPLE? HULK DISGUSTED BY COMPANIES WITH AUDACITY TO ASK HULK TO PROMOTE THEIR PRODUCTS FOR FREE. HULK NOT PAID TO ANNOY PEOPLE WITH ADS.

ADS DON’T HAVE TO INTRUDE TO GET MESSAGE ACROSS.

AND THAT MESSAGE CAN BE AWFUL. FOR EXAMPLE, FACEBOOK GIVE HULK ADS FOR SHADY “Adult game—18+ Years only!” BROWSER GAMES, ADS PLASTERED IN PICTURES OF BIG-BREASTED GIRLS IN DEGRADING POSES AND SILLY LINGERIE.

WHY DO INTERNET ADS ASSUME HULK IS VOYEUR OR PERVERT? WHY DO ADS DISRESPECT WOMEN AND ASSAIL HULK WITH SOFT PORN?

INDIGNANT HULK IS INDIGNANT.

LOOK, HULK KNOW ADS NECESSARY. HULK UNDERSTAND, BUT CAN’T INTERNET HAVE QUALITY CONTROL? CAN’T REPUTABLE WEBSITES RESPECT THEMSELVES AND VISITORS ENOUGH TO RESTRICT SLEAZY, DISHONEST, INTRUSIVE, MISLEADING, OR POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS ADVERTISING?

DOES MONEY MEAN MORE TO INTERNET THAN SAFETY AND DIGNITY OF HUMAN BEINGS?

HULK PLEAD WITH INTERNET. PLEASE. PLEASE BE RESPONSIBLE IN MONITORING, APPROVING, AND DISPLAYING ADVERTISEMENTS.

HULK OUT!

I… ugh, I have a headache, and my room is a mess. Did I just have another Hulk episode, or are my typewriter monkeys to blame? You know, I’m going to blame my monkeys for this one. Freaking primates.

290. Some Serious Thoughts on Singleness

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I’m sometimes asked whether I have a wife or girlfriend. Since discussions of singleness tend to be awkward, I usually reply, “Well, I’m secretly married to a lady back in Ecuador. Her name is Anna María Rosa, and we have twelve children.”

Singleness is one of those subjects that makes everyone feel self-conscious, which is why I’ve put off discussing it. Why am I writing about it now? That’s a good question, dear reader, and it has a simple answer: Today is one of those days I can’t think of anything else to write. (You wouldn’t believe how many posts have made it onto this blog because I had no other ideas.)

I’ve always been single. Not once have I been married, engaged, or tangled up in any kind of romantic relationship.

An expert on Englishing

Can you believe this charming, sophisticated gentleman is still single?

My attitudes toward my solitary existence have changed over the years. As a kid, I was determined to be a bachelor till the Rapture: an eccentric, cheerful, bookish, tea-drinking, fez-wearing old gent. I held on to this attitude until college. Many of my college friends found romantic partners, and their affections left me feeling conflicted. As happy as I was for my friends… I couldn’t help feeling just a trifle jealous.

Since then, some of my high school and college friends have married. Some have not. A few are in romantic relationships; a few are searching for partners; a few remain staunchly single.

As for me, well, I’d like very much to be married someday. I also like being single very much. I suppose I have “the gift of singleness,” whatever the heck that means. I appreciate the independence, simplicity, and freedom of the single life. As nice as it would be to find my special someone, I’m not going to rush into a romantic relationship for the mere sake of it.

Solitude and simplicity are actually kind of nice.

Solitude and simplicity are actually kind of nice.

Whenever singleness is discussed, I feel sort of bad for not feeling bad. I even feel a little guilty writing this post, despite being entirely qualified (as a very single person) to write it. I know many people who hate being single. They feel lonely, unfulfilled, or insignificant. Some even wonder whether something is wrong with them.

I understand.

So to all the single people out there: You are awesome, and your awesomeness isn’t defined by whether you have a romantic partner. It’s fine to be single, and it’s fine to be in a relationship. It’s okay to like being single, and it’s okay to hate it. I don’t think singleness has to be the thorny issue our culture makes it.

As for my dear readers in romantic relationships, I have a few words for you as well. First, good for you! I hope you’ve found happiness in your special someone.

That said, please don’t assume that everyone needs a special someone to be happy. Don’t single out singles. Don’t tease or patronize us. For those who are sensitive about their singleness, these things hurt. For those who aren’t sensitive, like me, these things merely annoy. Some singles are quite contented, thank you very much, and those who aren’t don’t need to be reminded of it.

Romantic relationships can be amazing. They are not, however, an instant fix for loneliness, insecurity, or any other problem. Far from removing all difficulties, relationships often add them. Loving another person deeply and intimately is hard. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Is it always fun, easy or pleasant? Good heavens, no.

In some ways, singleness ain’t so bad.

Now I’m going to go put on a fez, drink some tea, and read a book, because I am a bachelor and that is how I roll.

285. Out-of-Context Quotes Are the Best Quotes

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My younger brother John Michael and I have strange conversations—at least, they seem strange to anyone who overhears them. My bro and I consider them eminently meaningful and entirely sensible.

John Michael and I are best friends, and in our many conversations over the years, we’ve developed an idiosyncratic set of words, phrases, inside jokes and figures of speech that make perfect sense to us and no sense to anyone else on Earth.

With my brother’s permission, I’ve decided to share a few of our odder exchanges. These statements, questions and dialogues are fairly common in our conversations. In order to deepen the mystery, I haven’t specified who says what, leaving our cryptic discussions an impenetrable mystery.

Here, then, are some of the things spoken regularly in the household of the Stück bros. I could provide explanations, but really, what fun would that be?

“I’m going to be eaten by ravens now.”

“Okay.”

“I will slap you in the face.”

“We’ve managed to avoid drowning.”

“Good job!”

“That very well may have been the most humiliating moment of your life.”

“I’m awesome.”

“Buy some apples!”

“Set phasers to hug.”

“Pipsqueak.”

“Shut up.”

“You stay creepy.”

“You know I will.”

“We must never speak of this again.”

“Agreed.”

283. The Storm and the Internet

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As my dear readers have probably guessed, I like the Internet.

Seriously, the Internet is amazing: an invisible, intangible, worldwide web of information, news, pictures, videos and funny cat pictures, all accessible through a few clicks or keystrokes. Need something? Type it into Google or some other search engine, wait a few seconds and voilà! You have it! Even the world’s best libraries can’t compare to the Internet’s incredible speed, marvelous efficiency, up-to-date accuracy and comprehensive variety.

A couple of weeks ago, a strange thought drifted into my caffeine-addled mind. The Internet brings together the best (and worst) of humankind in one place. Anyone anywhere with an Internet connection can contribute to the Internet, building a vast and ever-expanding construct—something entirely artificial. The Internet is unprecedented. Nothing like it exists, or could possibly exist, in nature. It is a unique triumph of humankind, one only humankind could create and sustain. The Internet is something to which people, cultures and societies everywhere have contributed.

It made me think of the Tower of Babel.

Most of us know the story, I think. The book of Genesis in the Bible describes how humankind came together in an early age of Earth to build a tower to heaven. This building, the Tower of Babel, had two purposes. It was a monument to the pride of humanity and an anchor to prevent them from scattering across the world.

God, however, had other plans. He confounded the language of the people building the Tower of Babel. Construction halted when its builders couldn’t communicate, and humanity eventually spread over the earth as God had planned.

I’m not saying the Internet is evil—good heavens, no! I think the Internet is fantastic.

Nevertheless, I can’t help but notice its similarities to the Tower of Babel. The Internet has united humanity in a way Babel could not; thanks to online translators, even differences of language are not a problem! The Internet records the greatest accomplishments of humankind, and could even be called a monument to human achievement. It’s an artificial world ruled by immediate gratification, quick searches, streaming videos and instant communication. The Internet is a world over which humanity holds absolute sway.

Weeks ago, on the same evening I pondered the Internet and the Tower of Babel, there was a terrific storm. It was majestic, exciting, terrifying and awesome. Trees bent and thrashed in the wind. Rain dashed against my windows. Lightning flashed and thunder cracked. As I dozed off, a flash of lightning penetrated my curtains and closed eyelids to wake me up instantly—it was as though lightning had struck right there in my bedroom.

As I lay awake, I kept thinking about the neat, well-behaved world of the Internet and the wild, overwhelming world outside my window. The storm and its peals of thunder seemed almost like God laughing.

In the morning, appropriately enough, the Internet was gone.

It took nearly a week to have it fixed. In that time, I did more reading than usual. My younger brother and I leafed through my copy of Hyrule Historia and waxed nostalgic over our childhood memories. We enjoyed life without Internet. It wasn’t bad at all.

Now the Internet is back. I’m thankful to have it, and glad to be reminded that it’s just a tiny part of a much bigger, better world!

No Internet

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My connection to the weird, wonderful, wireless network known as teh internetz has been tragically broken.

A recent thunderstorm seems to have damaged my router, which blinks feebly and then dies every time it’s plugged in. I’ve called my Internet service provider, but they keep refusing to send technicians to resolve the problem.

Look, is it my fault that one of my typewriter monkeys bit the last technician they sent? Can’t we forgive and forget? Honestly.

My Internet connection won’t be restored for at least a few more days. For this and other reasons, TMTF must take a break for one week.

This blog took a break just a few weeks ago, and my honest intention was not to take another for a long time. I apologize for failing to update TMTF more regularly. I also blame my monkeys. If one of them hadn’t bit that technician, my Internet might have been fixed by now.

TMTF shall return (I hope) on Monday, June 30.

Thanks for your patience, dear reader, and thanks for reading!

277. Adam Breaks Down

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Saturday – June 7, 2014

My friends are awaiting my arrival in Mishawaka, and it has been a pleasant trip so far from the little town of Berne. The sun is shining. A bottle of coffee is within reach. Tribulation, my scrap heap of a car, hasn’t broken down yet. I feel cautiously optimistic. The highway curves gently to the left, flanked by weeds and picturesque trees.

Everything seems fine, but I’m not quite at ease. Things went badly the last time I took Tribulation for a long drive. It broke down, smoking like a cigar and reeking of melted plastic. My younger brother and I were left stranded on the highway in the searing heat, and I missed an important job interview. Trib has been repaired, but I’m reluctant to take it on any long trips.

I have to be honest. I’m not reluctant. I’m anxious. I struggle with depression and anxiety. The last time I strayed far from my home, my car troubles only made these problems worse.

I’m touched my friends invited me to visit today, and I want to see them, but… I don’t want to go.

Well, I suppose it’ll be fine. I can’t let anxiety control me. It’ll be good to spend time with my friends. They’re wonderful. I miss them. This’ll be worth the trip, and Tribulation was just fixed—I doubt it will have more problems anytime soon.

Bang!

Something that looks horribly like a deflated tire flies into my peripheral vision and vanishes. Tribulation jolts and bangs its way to a tired stop beside the highway. I hang my head, gripping the steering wheel. My heart sinks until it can sink no more.

Not again.

After putting on the brakes and hazard lights, I get out and survey the damage. Trib’s front-right tire has completely lost its tread—that must have been the fragment of tire I saw whizzing past my window. It tore off a strip of plastic from the door in its violent flight, leaving a scar of discolored paint and white plastic fasteners. The tire is ruined. My anxieties have been affirmed. It was a bad idea to leave home.

I phone my friends and let them know I won’t make it. I pray. I phone my younger brother to apprise him of the situation, and to ask him to pray. I phone my older brother to ask his advice. Things look grim. I’ve never changed a car tire before. My driving directions take me only to Mishawaka and back to Berne—without them, having to turn back, I’m completely lost. Oh, a police car is pulling up behind me. Fantastic.

An hour later, Tribulation limps to the nearest Wal-Mart on a spare tire the approximate size and shape of a doughnut. “Dash it, Tribulation,” I cry, striking the steering wheel. “Can’t I take you anywhere?”

Monday – June 9, 2014

I’ve been at work about an hour, and I’m frankly amazed I’ve lasted so long. I feel bad. No, I feel awful. I can’t remember the last time I felt so depressed. It’s all I can do to keep breathing, let alone deal with eight needy gentlemen.

The last time I worked, I was cursed and threatened and nearly smacked. Those kinds of behaviors are sometimes part of my job—occupational hazards. I’m not usually much fazed by them, but tonight is different.

Wait, what? We’re going to be short-staffed tonight? Of course. Oh, and we’re having an emergency drill? On top of everything else? Of course, of course.

What a fine shift this turning out to be.

Things are quiet for the moment, so I sit and bow my head and begin mumbling. “Father in heaven… I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I can’t do this. You must.” I add a few words, finish my panicked prayer and stand.

I’m going to make it.

Friday – June 13, 2014

Well, I’m home. This is my day off. There’s a pot of coffee on the desk beside me. Birds are chirping outside my window, the weather is beautiful and my younger brother is cooking sausages for breakfast. It may be Friday the thirteenth, a day of ill repute, but I’m feeling pretty good.

I made it.

When Tribulation’s tire was ruined on Saturday, I was quick to remember how my car had previously broken down. I was a little less quick to remember how God worked out everything all those weeks before. My car was towed to an auto shop and repaired, and generous relatives paid a majority of expenses. The interview I missed was rescheduled. My younger brother and I didn’t have long to wait until we were rescued. While we waited, I had coffee, cookies and a book to keep me going. Before any of our problems were resolved, God gave me and my brother courage, humor and a positive attitude.

My car broke down that day, but I didn’t.

Tribulation gave me trouble again on Saturday, but God made things right. I arrived safely home with two new tires at a pretty good price. My brothers were supportive and encouraging over the phone. My friends accepted my absence magnanimously. There was even coffee.

My tire was shredded; my nerves were not. My tire was ruined; my hope remained intact.

Even Monday’s paralyzing depression and daunting difficulties turned out not to be so bad. After two or three really bad hours, things improved. I felt almost recovered by the time I left work.

There are times I don’t feel well. Sometimes, I come uncomfortably close to breaking down. Depression and anxiety are frightful things, and it’s always easy for me to panic. I always remember the problems.

What I forget is the wonderful way my Father has never failed to resolve them.

I’m pretty bad at remembering things, but the faithfulness of God is something I’m trying hard not to forget.

275. TMTF’s Top Ten Chase Scenes in Film

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Do you know what’s exciting in movies? Chase scenes. I love chase scenes. Chase scenes are wonderful.

Whether the heroes are fleeing in fear from something dangerous or bravely pursuing an important objective, the high-speed, action-packed, adrenaline-pumping excitement of chase scenes is glorious. I’m no film expert, but I like movies as much as anyone, and today we’re looking at some of my favorite chase scenes in film.

The usual one-per-series rule applies here, of course, and I’ve included YouTube links to chase scenes wherever possible. Observant readers will notice a lack of scenes from the James Bond, Die Hard and Bourne movies. This isn’t due to any personal prejudice against action thrillers. It’s because I’ve seen hardly any of those movies I wanted this list to have some variety!

On your marks, ladies and gentlemen, as TMTF presents…

The TMTF List of Top Ten Chase Scenes in Film!

10. The Mines of Moria (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, 2001)

Mines of Moria

Although this chase isn’t as action-packed as others on this list, the Fellowship’s flight from the Balrog in the Mines of Moria ramps up the tension with an awesome musical score and a moment at which they must leap over a chasm as the unseen menace of the Balrog draws nearer. The monster doesn’t appear until the end of the chase, but the mere noise of its approach is enough to send Gandalf, a powerful wizard, running like a spooked cat. When the Balrog finally catches up with the Fellowship, it’s an epic conclusion to a thrilling chase.

I couldn’t find the scene on YouTube, so you’ll just have to watch the movie.

9. Light cycle chase (Tron: Legacy, 2010)

Light cycle chase

Short, sweet and colorful, this race between a Blue Guy and a Yellow Guy is great fun. The lack of music lends an understated realism to the scene; it reminds me of the podrace from the first Star Wars movie, but with brighter visuals and no annoying commentary. This chase also gets an honorable mention because Jeff Bridges.

You can watch this scene here.

8. Escaping the Reavers (Serenity, 2005)

Reaver chase

I was going to put the iconic speeder bike chase from Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi on this list, but then I remembered this little gem from Joss Whedon’s Serenity. It has all the excitement of the Star Wars chase, and also boasts wonderful dialogue and much higher stakes. As an all-or-nothing escape from vicious cannibals, it’s a tense scene… but not so tense as to exclude one or two really funny lines.

You can watch this scene here.

7. Motorcycle chase (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 1989)

Motorcycle chase

Indiana Jones is practically synonymous with exciting chase scenes. Every film starring this intrepid grave robber archaeologist has him running away from something. This chase is by far my favorite. I mean, it has motorcycle jousting. It also has Henry Jones’s deadpan reactions to his son’s violent tactics. These disapproving glances, like the relics Indiana Jones picks up on his adventures, are simply priceless.

You can watch this scene here.

6. Fleeing baboons (Tarzan, 1999)

Fleeing baboons

This wonderful chase has Tarzan rescue Jane as she flees a hoard of angry baboons. Sprinkled with droll humor and backed by a lively musical score, this chase also features CG effects that were pretty impressive for the time. My favorite part of this chase? Tarzan’s facial expressions.

You can watch this scene here.

5. Pirate pursuit (Castle in the Sky, 1986)

Pirate pursuit

This chase is one of the best scenes in what may be my all-time favorite film, a classic from the legendary Studio Ghibli. The Dola Gang, a notorious band of sky pirates, pursue an innocent boy and girl into a canyon. When the children hop onto a train on raised tracks, the pirates follow in a rickety automobile. This beautifully-animated scene would be wonderful even without the pirates’ dialogue, which is hilarious.

I couldn’t find the scene on YouTube, so you’ll just have to watch the movie. Seriously, go watch it. Stop reading this blog post and go watch the movie!

4. Race through Bagghar (The Adventures of Tintin, 2011)

Race through Bagghar

Steven Spielberg, bless him, sure knows a thing or two about directing great chase scenes. This chaotic rush down the streets of Bagghar, a fictional Moroccan city, is a joy to watch as Tintin crashes through buildings and over rooftops in a motorbike, trying to snatch a scroll from the talons of a hawk. There’s also a tank and a zip line and some accidental cross-dressing. Really, it’s quite a chase.

You can watch this scene here, but the quality of the clip is very poor; you may be better off just watching the movie.

3. Motorcycle duel (Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, 2005)

Motorcycle duel

Despite a nonsensical plot, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children is probably the best video game movie I’ve seen, and a personal favorite of mine. Why? Because it’s packed with scenes like this one, in which the hero wields an oversized sword to fend off bad guys while hurtling down a highway on a motorcycle. Everyone in this scene has superhuman agility and reflexes. There are gratuitous slow-motion shots. Explosions and gunshots punctuate a frenetic musical score. (It’s basically The Matrix, but better.) And this, an extended version of the scene, throws in some helicopters because why not.

You can watch this scene here.

2. Locomotive chase (The General, 1926)

Locomotive chase

Chase scenes are generally frantic, but they don’t have to be. The General, Buster Keaton’s masterpiece, has two phenomenal chase scenes that last at least ten minutes each. In the first, the protagonist chases a train on foot, and then on a handcar, and then on an old-fashioned bicycle, and finally on his own locomotive. In the second, the protagonist’s locomotive is pursued by enemy trains. Everything about these chases is perfect, from Keaton’s deadpan expressions to his ingenious solutions for overcoming obstacles. They may not be fast or furious, but these chase scenes are outstanding.

You can watch part of the first chase here, and you should go watch The General in its entirety. It’s a great film.

1. Toy train shenanigans (The Wrong Trousers, 1993)

Toy train shenanigans

My favorite chase scene in film history has no guns or explosions. What it has is a penguin, a dog, a toy train, a pair of mechanical trousers and a middle-aged man in his underpants. This scene, animated painstakingly in clay, is superb. As I worked on this top ten list, my younger brother asked me if this scene was number one, and added that he would slap me in the face if it was not. It’s that good. This brief, bizarre, brilliant chase through an ordinary English residence is my favorite in all of film.

You can watch this scene here. Please do.

What is your favorite chase scene in film? Let us know in the comments!