285. Out-of-Context Quotes Are the Best Quotes

My younger brother John Michael and I have strange conversations—at least, they seem strange to anyone who overhears them. My bro and I consider them eminently meaningful and entirely sensible.

John Michael and I are best friends, and in our many conversations over the years, we’ve developed an idiosyncratic set of words, phrases, inside jokes and figures of speech that make perfect sense to us and no sense to anyone else on Earth.

With my brother’s permission, I’ve decided to share a few of our odder exchanges. These statements, questions and dialogues are fairly common in our conversations. In order to deepen the mystery, I haven’t specified who says what, leaving our cryptic discussions an impenetrable mystery.

Here, then, are some of the things spoken regularly in the household of the Stück bros. I could provide explanations, but really, what fun would that be?

“I’m going to be eaten by ravens now.”


“I will slap you in the face.”

“We’ve managed to avoid drowning.”

“Good job!”

“That very well may have been the most humiliating moment of your life.”

“I’m awesome.”

“Buy some apples!”

“Set phasers to hug.”


Shut up.”

“You stay creepy.”

“You know I will.”

“We must never speak of this again.”


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