My younger brother, John, has a talent for mangling the English language. Some time ago, I shared a list of his mispronunciations, titled John’s Word Derps.

Since then, I have updated this list meticulously—y’know, for science. It’s my privilege today to share (with his permission) more of my brother’s verbal fumbles. Please enjoy responsibly.

• Setner for center
• Vihjoe for video
• Coids for cords
• Detooler for detour
• Hammo for hammer
• Cass for task
• Snay for say
• Und for and
• Wordst for worst
• Beg for bed
• Streep for street
• Boke for smoke
• Mast for fast
• Appline for applying
• Hiud for hood
• Pervervy for perverted
• Laoods for loads
• Rook for root
• Firth for first
• Parasuit for parasite
• Site for suit
• Tunk for sunk
• Light for right
• Cronneled for chronicled
• Butt wheat for buckwheat
• Graining for gaining
• Spannitch for Spanish
• Shuringe for syringe
• Electred for elected
• Febluary for February
• Reft for left
• Releash for release
• Stort for sort
• Quaft for quick-fast
• Trees for cheese
• Smo for slow
• Screezing for squeeze
• Rall for wall
• Mate for make
• Gerfy for goofy
• Ricken for written
• Goo for grew
• Owctually for actually
• Shongs for songs
• Bitter for better
• Pless pray for press play
• Crawl for call
• Guvade for grade
• Depreshing for depressing
• Funz for tons
• Sennger for single
• Nodge for nudge
• Quig for quick
• Happity for happy
• Glameplay for gameplay
• Bun for bunch
• Komma for camera
• Bleen for beam
• Fweequently for frequently
• Klar for car
• Brack round for background
• Wattle for water
• Bleared for beard
• Woof for wolf