My younger brother, John, has a number of talents, such as recreating pictures in pencil. (You should check out his DeviantArt page!) Some of his other gifts are a little less, um, ordinary. For example, when pausing movies or videos, he often freezes them on bizarre or creepy frames.

The greatest of John’s unusual talents is his involuntary tendency to mangle the English language in everyday conversations. Some time ago, I began keeping a meticulous list of his mispronunciations. For science.

The list, titled John’s Word Derps, has grown larry vong—excuse me, very long. When it was shutter, er, shorter, it wasn’t worth sharing, but when it plast, um, passed a certain point, I thuck—I mean, I thought—the time had come to unleash it upon the world.

I need hardly add that every one of my brother’s verbal fumbles is genuine. All were mistakes; none were intentional.

With John’s blessing and no further ado, TMTF is delighted to share dozens upon dozens of examples of how English words can go wrong.

• Pleeple for people
• Owler for hour
• Reppens for weapons
• Morst for most
• Unventure for adventure
• Bock for back
• Expenshiv for expensive
• Slabbered for slobbered
• Were-chair for wheelchair
• Blugged for bugged
• Fameless for famous
• Fannum for phantom
• Warking for working
• Blabe for babe
• Poistman for postman
• Bloy for boy
• Zacky for wacky
• Wayney for zany
• Quabbling for squabbling
• Liter for later
• Prevence for presence
• Kerackly for correctly
• Weeding for reading
• Shutter for shorter
• Canonical for conical
• Larry vong for very long
• Misselling for mispelling
• Wester aunt for restaurant
• Speeze for speed
• Twennyse’en for twenty-seven
• Max for masks 
• Crom for come
• Crip for creep
• Darm for darn
• Pepper for paper
• Brench for bench
• Plast for passed
• Planting for planning
• Obble for awful
• Reem for ring
• Sorn for scorn
• Bicycley for basically
• Pershun for person
• Ruth for roof
• Blad for blade
• Monely for mostly
• Weed for weird
• Elloquint whee for eloquently
• Wong for wrong
• Orpenned for opened
• Thuck for thought
• Effisode for episode
• Obvee on iss for obvious
• Statue for stature
• Insped for instead
• Plarts for parts
• Foast for first
• Ween for mean
• Kine zah for kinda
• Insoud for inside
• Clyde for cloud
• Eye prawn for apron
• Flaw-plaw for firepower
• Jude for dude
• Scub cout for cub scout
• Con seized for conceived
• Wom for wall
• Track for truck
• Craces for creates
• Supplized for surprised
• Beth for best
• Drist for dressed
• Punnel for pummel
• Bretter for better
• Horiful for horrible
• Shavver for shower
• Parsley for partially
• Uttock for attack
• Brig inning for beginning
• Nack snep for neck snap
• Ond for and
• Delieve for delete