Category Archives: Life, the Universe, and Everything

124. A Battle Won by Surrender

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It’s only a matter of time before most of my personal struggles become blog posts.

My readers may not appreciate the posts in which I confess my faults and pour out my woes, but I write them anyway. Writing about my struggles helps me to organize my thoughts.

Besides, personal posts are cathartic to write, and I hope some reader somewhere finds them encouraging—or at the very least, amusing. You may not learn from my mistakes, but you’re welcome to laugh at them.

I often overthink and overanalyze things, cluttering my mind with useless thoughts and pointless worries. My obsessive-compulsive tendency to think too much has wasted a ridiculous amount of time—not as much as, say, YouTube, but a considerable amount nonetheless.

My circumstances are sometimes beyond my control. My feelings are often beyond my control. As a neat, tidy, logical, organized, borderline obsessive-compulsive person, I hate not having control over any part of my life. I think my chronic compulsion to overthink things is an involuntary attempt to extend the illusion of control over my entire life.

I don’t have complete control over my life, but I know someone who does.

In the end, life is too full of mysteries and subtleties and complexities for me to comprehend it fully. Sometimes, I must stop trying to understand life and simply live, trusting God and blundering hopefully onward.

Worry is a paradox, really. It’s the one problem that goes away when it’s ignored. Thinking about worry only makes it worse. The only way to win the battle is to stop fighting.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some living to do.

123. And Here We Go!

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Not long ago I posed a question to the reader (or readers; I’ll be optimistic) of this blog: What needs to change?

I suggested some changes and received quite a lot of encouraging, helpful feedback. This post will explain briefly what’s changing and what isn’t.

The Turnspike Emails are officially discontinued. I love the concept, but I’m afraid I’ve failed to do it justice. Besides, Turnspike Emails are deuced hard to write.

By popular demand, book reviews are here to stay. I guess that means I’ll have to stop rereading old favorites and pick up something new. I’ve been meaning to read Life of Pi and The Hunger Games, and Brave New World has been gathering dust on my bookshelf since I picked it up from a yard sale a few weeks ago.

My typewriter monkeys and I will choose the next book for review using the same process we use to make all major decisions about this blog: writing each option on a slip of paper, taping the slips to darts and throwing the darts at a picture of Friedrich Nietzsche. Our final decision is determined by which dart comes closest to striking the exact center of Nietzsche’s mustache.

This blog’s standard varieties of posts—About Writing lectures, That Time I _____ anecdotes, reflections upon the Christian faith, commentaries upon video games, totally biased flawlessly objective top ten lists and posts about random topics—will continue, and Why [Insert Author Name] Is Awesome posts will become a regular feature.

I’ll also post creative writing occasionally. Unlike usual posts, these creative pieces won’t be published according to any schedule. They’ll be posted occasionally on Wednesdays. My monkeys and I make no definite commitments.

When I moved into my apartment last month, I was relieved to find out that my typewriter monkeys are considered residents; I don’t have to pay a pet fee. They’ve taken up residence in the hall closet, which they have converted into a base of operations for nocturnal raids upon the refrigerator. I’m thinking of buying a lock for the fridge to keep out the monkeys, or possibly rigging a car battery to run electrical current through the refrigerator handle. The first option is more economical, but the second option is strangely appealing.

Now to be serious. It’s not too late to offer advice, criticisms and suggestions for this blog! TMTF will continue to grow and change over time. We’re always open to new ideas.

My sincere thanks to the folks whose feedback and encouragement have helped shape this blog.

And here we go!

122. True Gentlemen

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I have a friend named Socrates. (His name is actually Steven, but I’m obligated to call him Socrates because of this blog’s time-honored traditions.) Socrates and I met during our freshman year of college, and we became housemates in later years.

Socrates is a gentleman: a fedora-wearing, tea-drinking young man who looks good in a suit, knots neckties effortlessly and opens doors for ladies. He’s chivalrous, affable, old-fashioned and awesome.

The world needs more gentlemen.

I’m not speaking of outward appearances. It’s well enough for someone to look dapper in a suit, fedora or necktie, but anyone can wear nice clothes. I’m not referring to sophisticated tastes. Drinking tea is sometimes considered a sign of refinement, but anyone can sip hot liquid.

No, I’m speaking of the things that mark a true gentleman.

A true gentleman respects himself, taking pride in his personal appearance. A true gentleman respects other men, putting their needs before his own. A true gentleman respects ladies, listening patiently and serving humbly.

A true gentleman is a paradox: refined and sophisticated, yet humble and unpretentious; confident and assured, yet modest and gracious; patient and kind, yet strong and brave.

I know a number of true gentlemen. Most of them don’t fit the gentlemanly stereotype. Few wear nice clothes. (At least one gentleman of my acquaintance despises neckties.) Many play video games, watch Disney films and enjoy other unsophisticated pursuits. Some even dislike tea.

Their attitudes are what matters. They are gracious, sensible, kind, cheerful, chivalrous, humble and selfless. In the end, a fedora is just a hat, a necktie is just a noose and tea is just a hot beverage. Defying stereotypes and outward appearances, these men modestly serve those around them.

They are true gentlemen, and the world needs more like them.

120. TMTF’s Future Is Yours to Shape!

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Wait, which way to the future?

Stale is a nasty word. It makes me think of television shows or book series that have gone on too long, or even—oh, the horror!—packets of cheese crackers that have been opened and then forgotten in some obscure corner of the snack cupboard.

This blog has been up and running for more than a year, and I don’t want it ever to become stale. My typewriter monkeys and I are considering making some changes in direction for TMTF, and today’s post is to give you—yes, dear reader, you—an opportunity to shape this blog’s future!

I’m thinking of discontinuing the Turnspike Emails. These posts are TMTF’s version of The Screwtape Letters, a book by C.S. Lewis that explores Christian ideas from a demon’s perspective. I’ve used the Turnspike Emails to reflect upon (and sometimes to vent about) various spiritual issues. However, I’m not satisfied with the Turnspike Emails. I don’t feel like I’m doing C.S. Lewis’s excellent idea justice.

Shall I stop writing the Turnspike Emails?

I’m also considering discontinuing book reviews. While they’re fun to write, I haven’t been consistent enough in posting them to justify their existence as a regular feature of this blog.

Shall I keep the book reviews or stop writing them?

I intend to continue writing several categories of posts. The About Writing posts are here to stay, of course, as well as the That Time I _____ posts in which I share anecdotes of odd adventures I’ve had. (I’m running out of stories, but I still have a few up my sleeve.) I’ll definitely keep my reflections upon the Christian faith, my commentaries upon video games, my posts about random topics and, of course, TMTF’s ever-popular top ten lists.

Depending upon feedback, I may feature some of these categories of posts more or less often.

Which of these categories do you want to see featured more often? Which do you want to see featured less often?

I’m thinking of adding a new feature highlighting authors whom I appreciate. These posts would be titled Why [Insert Author Name] Is Awesome, and would introduce writers, explain what makes their writing significant and recommend one or two books with which a beginning reader can start.

Is this a good idea for a new feature?

I’d also like to feature more creative writing. While I probably won’t feature any more serials like The Infinity Manuscript for a long time, there are some short stories I’d like to share.

If I published creative writing on this blog, it would be on Wednesdays in order not to interrupt the usual Monday and Friday posts. In other words, creative writing pieces would be an addition to regular blog posts, not a replacement for them. Unlike blog posts, which are posted twice weekly, creative writing wouldn’t follow any kind of schedule. Rather, it would be posted only when I had something ready to post—probably once or twice a month.

What are your thoughts? Would the addition of stories make this blog better, or clutter it with unnecessary posts?

The stated purpose of this blog is “to impart hope or understanding or inspiration—or at the very least a healthy laugh—to someone who needs it.” I want this blog to make you think, or to make you smile.

This brings me to my final question.

What more do you want to see from this blog? How can my typewriter monkeys and I serve you?

My monkeys and I want to make this blog the best it can be. We want to brighten the lives of our readers, and we can’t do it alone.

Your suggestions, criticisms and advice are much, much appreciated. Please, comment away!

No Internet

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There was no new post on Monday, for which I apologize. My typewriter monkeys and I recently moved into a new apartment, and there have been unexpected delays in obtaining an Internet connection.

This blog will resume its usual posts on Monday… I hope. Thanks for your patience!

UPDATE:

A representative from an Internet company came to install Internet stuff in my apartment, but one of my monkeys bit him and now the company won’t send another representative. I’m trying to work things out, but I’m afraid this means there will be no new post on this blog on Monday, September 10.

Internet or no Internet, regular TMTF posts will resume on Friday. Adam has spoken, and so shall it be.

In the meantime, I suggest you go check out Just the Fiction, Ma’am immediately. It’s a blog about writing and faith, and it’s awesome.

113. Let’s Make the Internet Awesome

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Today is the day, ladies and gentlemen.

Please consider taking two minutes to brighten someone’s life today. And spread the word! Together, let’s make this the best Be Nice to Someone on the Internet Day the world has ever seen!

(Yes, today will have been the only Be Nice to Someone on the Internet Day the world has ever seen. That’s not the point. Stop being logical and go be nice to someone on the Internet!)

112. Be Nice to Someone on the Internet Day

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People on the Internet can be awfully cruel.

Simple disagreements about religion, politics, television shows, video games or sparkly vampires become vicious arguments full of insults, slander and accusations that make no sense. Look at the comments on YouTube, news websites, popular blogs or online forums. All too often, they ain’t pretty.

Why is this? One possible reason is that cruelty is easy. Explaining, supporting and defending one’s views can be difficult. It’s hard to be patient and respectful.

It may be that certain people are fundamentally biased, and blindly assume anyone with conflicting views must be wrong—and is therefore not worth respecting.

Others may be insecure in their beliefs. They’re afraid they’ll be proved wrong in an argument, and so they use insults to deflect serious debates.

Of course, another possibility is simply that some people are angry jerks. With the anonymity of the Internet, being an angry jerk has never been easier.

Things seem grim, but my typewriter monkeys and I have come up with an idea.

We propose the establishment of a new holiday. Let us celebrate Monday, August 20, as the first ever Be Nice to Someone on the Internet Day.

On Monday, go to someone’s Facebook profile, blog page, YouTube channel, deviantART page, Twitter profile or Tumblr account and leave an encouraging comment, sincere compliment or gentle word of constructive criticism.

If these suggestions don’t appeal to you, be creative! Find some other way to be nice to someone on the Internet, and uphold the noble cause of balancing the nastiness of online cruelties with the awesomeness of online kindnesses!

(If you plan to take part in Be Nice to Someone on the Internet Day, please be nice to someone who isn’t me or one of my typewriter monkeys. We’re not trying to fish for compliments.)

On Monday I’ll publish a brief reminder for those who want to participate. In the meantime, if you’d like to get a head start, feel free to go ahead and write something awesome on someone’s online page, post or profile.

Spread the word! Monday is going to be the best Be Nice to Someone on the Internet Day the world has ever seen!

110. That Time I Melted a Screwdriver

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I like fireworks, except when they’re unexpected and burst out of light switches. Then they’re scary.

You see, I once melted the tip of a screwdriver. With electricity. By accident. There were fireworks, and not the good kind.

I spent a few summers during my college years painting walls, doors and miscellaneous fixtures on campus. Before painting a wall, I had to remove the plastic covers from light switches and electrical outlets. These plastic covers sometimes adhered to the wall after the screws had been removed, so I tapped them gently with the tip of the screwdriver to knock them loose.

In a bathroom in the dining commons, there was a particular light switch. The Light Switch of Death. I gave the plastic cover a gentle tap with the tip of the screwdriver, and—fireworks.

A blinding flash! A shower of sparks!

I reeled backward, blinking and clutching my screwdriver. Once my eyes had refocused, I noted with detached interest that the tip of the screwdriver had melted. A few moments passed. Then, gathering my courage, I examined the Light Switch of Death. I expected to find a blackened crater or some other kind of damage.

The plastic cover had fallen off. That was all. Apart from the missing cover, the light switch seemed unaltered in any way. Later, when the screwdriver’s tip had cooled and I had regained my composure, I cautiously flipped the switch. The lights turned off. I turned on the lights. There were no problems.

The screwdriver’s tip, which had hardened into a misshapen mess, was eventually filed down in order to make the tool usable again. As far as I know, the Light Switch of Death never gave anyone further trouble. It’s there to this day, lurking in a bathroom in the dining commons, concealing its menace behind an immaculate plastic mask.

I’m still not sure what happened. I think the tip of the screwdriver must have slipped behind the plastic cover and touched an exposed wire or something. Fortunately, the handle of the screwdriver was made of plastic. Had I been touching the metal part of the tool, I’m not sure how much damage I may have sustained.

As much as I wanted to end this post with a clever electricity-related pun, I can’t think of any. (If one occurs to you, feel free to leave it in the comments.) I’ll conclude with a word of warning. Be cautious when removing the covers of light switches and electrical outlets. If you’re careless, fireworks may ensue.

108. Life until Further Notice

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I’ve decided to take a post simply to mention some of the things going on in my life at the moment. My life isn’t just severed arms and giant mutant killer jungle ants, you know. Normal things happen to me occasionally.

I’ve settled in Indiana and found a job working with mentally handicapped men. Eight men live in the house in which I work. The other staff and I assist them with their day-to-day activities, from eating meals to taking medicine. There’s also paperwork. Tons of paperwork. Thousands of pounds of paperwork. (I exaggerate for effect, but you get the idea.) Other responsibilities include cooking, cleaning and making sure the residents stay out of trouble.

The job is proving to be satisfying and interesting. It’s definitely never boring!

In the long term, I hope to find work as an editor or a professional writer. Teaching English is another possibility, though I’d prefer to write. Words, unlike students, usually do what I tell them to do. In addition to professional writing or editing, I’d love to write short stories and novels.

I hope to move into an apartment of my own within a few weeks. After so many months in transition, it will be a relief to be settled in one place until further notice.

When I checked out apartments, I forgot to ask whether typewriter monkeys are allowed. Are they technically considered residents or pets? I’ll have to ask.

107. Things I Don’t Talk About

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There are things I don’t talk about.

Some of these things are trivial. I enjoy watching a television show about magical rainbow ponies, for example. I sometimes make faces at myself in the bathroom mirror. I also think Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA” is pretty darn catchy.

I’m not ashamed of these things, but they’re a little embarrassing, and so I keep them to myself.

Then there are the other things I don’t talk about—things that are anything but trivial.

I’ve suffered for years from serious depression. It comes and goes more or less at random, and robs me of the ability to do much of anything except breathe. When I’m depressed, all I can do is pray, retreat to my bedroom with a cup of tea and wait until my depression goes away.

I struggle with insecurity. Although I try not to let it show, I often wrestle with doubts and worries about my future, my faith, my writing and pretty much everything else.

I worry too much about my reputation, and show too little care or concern for the needs of other people.

I don’t feel particularly at home anywhere in the world. Even though I grew up in Ecuador, my Spanish is pretty weak. The culture of the United States is still strange to me. Every country feels like a foreign one.

Why don’t I ever talk about these things?

Well, it’s embarrassing and awkward. These things tear apart the bookish, cheerful, slightly eccentric impression I wish to make on people. Being vulnerable is hard. Sharing my insecurities feels too much like complaining or making excuses. It’s easier to reminisce about crazy high school teachers or grumble about how modern worship music is badly written.

I think other people would be more patient with me if they understood my struggles.

Do you know what else?

I would be a dashed lot more patient with other people if I understood their struggles.

My closest relationships are those in which the things we don’t talk about have been talked about. Some of the best discussions I’ve ever had were the ones in which the masks came off. These discussions were uncomfortable, but they built up stronger friendships.

There are times when revelations of a personal nature aren’t appropriate. There is a very, very fine line between being vulnerable and complaining about personal problems. It takes discernment to know when to speak and when to remain silent.

The problem is when I simply remain silent, hiding my struggles, refusing to acknowledge I’m not perfectly self-sufficient.

Uncle Iroh and the Apostle Paul—a fictional tea-drinker and a famous missionary, respectively—seem to agree on certain issues, and this is one of them.

Uncle Iroh once said, “There is nothing wrong with letting people who love you help you.”

The Apostle Paul wrote, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Maybe we should talk about the things we don’t talk about.