Have you ever been to a library and seen those trite posters encouraging kids to read? If I worked in a library, this is the poster I would display.
It’s probably a good thing I don’t work in a library.
Typewriter Monkey Task Force
Faith, Writing, Video Games, Literature, TV, Movies, Life, the Universe, and Everything
Typewriter Monkey Task Force 
There’s a well there that might never run dry. So there you go, next time you can’t think of a post just create a series of library posters! Amazing ones that change people’s lives!
You know what’s a little weird about those things? They’re IN A LIBRARY. Like, do you really need to convince the kids seeing them to read?
*Kid wanders into library*
Kid: What the **** is this place?
*Kid sees poster*
Kid: That poster makes a good point! I was going to go rob a liquor store, but instead I’m going to experience the wonder of reading! Thanks, reading poster!
I like to think that the redacted swearword in your hypothetical scenario is “biscuit.”
You watch your mouth, young man!