281. How to English Real Good

Persons allergic to silliness or grammatical incorrectness should not read this blog post. This post is not meant to offend, stereotype or insult any speaker of English or of any other language. Side effects include headaches, nausea and dizziness. Keep out of reach of children and English professors.

If you are a reader who reads this, a winner is you! You have jackpotted! Welcome to TMTF, the blog of typing monkeys, where we learn today to English real good. Adam the blogger is the expert on language; he Englishes like a pro. Read this blog post with great intelligence and learn! It will be full of education that cheers and supports you!

An expert on Englishing

Adam will be your English instructor today. See the knowledge gleam in his face with the brilliance of a hundred shiny goldfish! (Adam is the hatted one, not the fowl who is having fuzzy feathers.)

Step number first toward Englishing with correctness is to have much self-confidence. Your fears and insecurities must crumble like cookies that are cowards! Crumble them with the fresh milk of courage. You must snack on your fears! If your nerves are nervous, you must be brave until you laugh from lack of anxieties. Learning to English will not hurt you! Conquer your fears and high-five all their faces!

Next step is reading all the books. Books in English are best for Englishing. They are cream and sugar for the coffee of your learning. Do not read French or Spanish books; these are not sugar or cream, but salty salt. Drink deeply from the coffee cup of reading books! Learn from its sweet, wordy fragrance.

If you are needing the books, find libraries. A library lets you steal books, but it is having the condition of bringing back old books before stealing new ones. Libraries are public dens of book bandits that smell like paper. Be the library thief to get the books for good Englishing!

Reading the books is the coffee cup that holds the coffee of your learning. It is your best breakfast beverage—a mighty drink for the breakfast of education!

After the reading, you must write. Write and write and write until your learning of English has completion! Writing is the practice that unleashes the knowledge of your reading to light up the darkness of ignorance. It shines like many happy sunbeams that have each other as friends. The writing can be with pens or pencils on papers, or keystrokes in computer documents, or paint on toasters. Learning takes all the forms!

You wrote, but what if your writing is of the worst badness? Adam has the solution! Make your friends read the writing you wrote and give their critical criticisms. Let us who are friends learn to English together like joyous beams of the sun! If you are lacking friends, ask schoolteachers for help or use cookies for the bribing of strangers.

Finally Adam has this final advice: Never give up! Fight the good fight of learning the English. If you give the one hundred percents, you can English as good as Adam. Reading and writing are nutritious parts of the tasty meal of your education!

Bon appétit! Happy Englishing!

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