Zealot: A Christmas Story – Chapter One: Benjamin

A stout man and a thin man walked the road to Bethlehem in silence. Above them, a full moon shone and stars blazed across the sky. Around them, dusty slopes stretched up into the night, gray in the moonlight, broken by trees and rocks and tufts of grass.

The stout man paused to gaze upward. “Turn your eyes to the stars, Jehu,” he said, puffing and wiping his brow. “Their beauty tonight is beyond compare.”

“To gehenna with the stars,” replied the thin man, looking resolutely downward. “We have no time for them. Keep moving, Benjamin.”

Panting, Benjamin spared enough breath to gasp in indignation. “You must not malign the works of the Most High. The heavens declare the glory of God, as it is written in the psalms. The skies proclaim the work of God’s hands. Day after day they pour forth speech—”

“Not unlike a fat old man of my acquaintance,” said Jehu, scowling at his companion. “I have heard enough of your prattle. We are near Bethlehem, and I beg you to hold your tongue until we get there.”

They walked on. Wind swished the grass and made branches creak. From over the hills came the faint noise of sheep bleating and men chatting, the sounds of a shepherd’s camp. As Jehu and Benjamin plodded along, their shadows stretched out before them, sharply black in the moonlight.

Jehu brought forth a sword from under his cloak and began to twirl it. Benjamin took a few steps back. “Do not fear me,” said Jehu. He smiled, which Benjamin did not find comforting. “Whom you must fear, Benjamin, are the bandits. Like the accursed Romans, they prey upon the weak and helpless.”

“Are we in danger?” whispered Benjamin.

“You are, perhaps,” said Jehu. “Fortunately for you, I am neither weak nor helpless. Stay close to me and you may live to see the lights of Bethlehem.”

Keeping a wary eye on the sword flashing in the moonlight, Benjamin moved a little closer to Jehu.

At last, as they came over the crest of a hill, they saw the lamps and fires of Bethlehem twinkling like golden stars far ahead. Still gasping for breath, Benjamin mumbled, “God be praised.”

Jehu said nothing and did not put away his sword.

“I am not a nervous man,” said Benjamin nervously. “Nevertheless, I admit to feeling perhaps just an echo of fear on this dark, dangerous road. It is good to see lights ahead. They speak to me of food and fire and wine—God preserve us, what is that?”

Jehu held his sword before him and peered into the darkness. “Benjamin, what do you see?”

“I see a cross. Some poor fool has been crucified.”

Jehu sighed and sheathed his sword. “Your eyes deceive you, old man. It is nothing but a pillar and crossbeam of wood. There is a cave in the rock. Someone must use it for a stable or storehouse. The cross you see is a support to keep the mouth of the cave from crumbling.”

“It is an omen,” said Benjamin, clutching Jehu’s sleeve. “The Almighty gives you this sign, Jehu. Your plans are folly. Turn away from them! Abandon your dreams of revolution, or a cross will become your future.”

“That is not a cross,” said Jehu, tearing his sleeve out of Benjamin’s grip. “That is a pillar and crossbeam. Only a fool—or a poet, which is no different—can look upon it and see an instrument of death. Gather your wits and stop babbling.”

Benjamin rubbed his face, wiping away sweat and tears. “I am concerned for you, Jehu. You were once my cousin, before you forsook all ties to family. You may not value your life, but I do.”

“We have wasted time enough,” said Jehu. “Bethlehem awaits.”

As they passed the mouth of the cave, they were startled by a cry from within.

“Is that the sound of a child?” whispered Benjamin.

Jehu’s face was grim. “There,” he said, pointing.

Moonlight poured into the cave, illuminating all but the farthest corners. The pillar and crossbeam supporting the ceiling cast the ruthless black shadow of a cross. A manger stood in the shadow. A woman knelt beside the manger. A man stood nearby, holding out a lamp that flickered uselessly in the moonlight.

“By Joseph’s bones,” murmured Benjamin. “A baby in a manger. In such dangerous times as these, what spirit of madness possessed these fools to take refuge in a filthy cave?”

“The Roman census,” said Jehu. “These fools left their home and dragged themselves across the country for this, a stable reeking of manure, because Rome told them to. Why does this child have no better bed than a cattle trough? The answer is simple. Rome felt it necessary to know exactly how many people are left in this country for her to grind beneath her heel.”

“You should not say such things, Jehu.”

“Why should I be silent? Look at that child. He lies in the shadow of a cross. He will live in the shadow of a cross. Unless we rise against Rome, we too shall live in the shadow of a cross, that bloody emblem of Roman brutality.”

Having regained his breath, Benjamin heaved a long, sad sigh. “You sound more like a zealot every day, Jehu. You have certainly mastered the rhetoric of the revolutionary. No, I do not wish to hear more,” he added as Jehu opened his mouth to reply. “I do not want to be told of Rome’s cruelties or your plans to repay them. I want safety and supper and a warm bed. I want to go home to my wife and daughter. Let us leave.”

They left the cave.

Chapter Two can be found here.


Author’s Note:

I wrote Zealot: A Christmas Story about a year ago because there are not enough Christmas stories about assassins.

When we think of the first Christmas, a stable and shepherds and wise men are usually the first things to come to our minds. In our imaginations, the Nativity exists in its own little bubble. As I wrote this story, I had great fun giving the Nativity its historical context, from the predictions of ancient prophets to the struggles of brave revolutionaries. At the heart of this story lies one man, a zealot, whose life of blood and secrecy begins to change when he meets a child born in the shadow of a cross.

Zealot: A Christmas Story will be posted in short chapters, one each Wednesday, until early January. Regular TMTF posts will continue to be posted on Mondays and Fridays.

Thanks for reading!

A Thief in the Night: A Creative Sketch

As promised, here’s one final, random piece of creative writing before TMTF reverts to being merely a blog about stuff. Enjoy!

Characters: Thief, Lady, Chief of Police, Officer Thompson, Officer Sharp

Scene: The stage is arranged as a living room. Three doors lead offstage: the front door, the bathroom door and the bedroom door. Two armchairs face each other across a coffee table. A telephone stands on a side table. The walls are hung with paintings.

The curtain rises, revealing a dark living room. The front door opens slowly. A man in black clothes and a ski mask enters, turns on a flashlight and begins rummaging through the objects in the room. A minute goes by. The bedroom room door opens slightly and someone peers out. Then the bedroom door is flung open. Clutching a pistol, a lady in pajamas leaps out and slaps a switch on the wall, flooding the stage with light. The lady points her pistol at the thief.

LADY: Stop or I’ll shoot!

THIEF: Fine, you got me. You can put away the gun, lady. I’m not going anywhere.

LADY: [Sidling toward the telephone] Put your hands up and don’t try anything funny.

THIEF: All right, my hands are up. I’m not going anywhere. Geez. Go ahead and call the police.

LADY: Sit down in that chair where I can see you. [Thief sits down. Lady dials a number and speaks into the phone, keeping the pistol pointed at Thief] Yes, this is an emergency.

THIEF: Ah, such melodrama.

LADY: I caught a thief. I’m pointing a gun at him. He’s sitting in my living room—

THIEF: And cringing at the indignity of being held hostage by a woman in pajamas.

LADY: No, I won’t go near him. I don’t think he’ll try anything while he’s got a gun pointed at him anyway. My name? Christina Elbow. My address is fourteen-fourteen Cherry Road, Goshen. Yes, it’s pretty far from town. Please hurry. I think I’ll be okay, but I’m—I’m—

THIEF: Stammering awkwardly? Verging on hysteria?

LADY: Yes, I’m scared. Come as quickly as you can. No, I’ll be fine. You don’t have to stay on the line. Just hurry. All right. See you soon. [Puts down telephone, slowly moves to the chair across from Thief and points pistol at him with both hands]

THIEF: So I guess it’s just you and me for a while, huh? [Pause] You have a nice place. It was hard to appreciate in the dark, but you’ve done a good job decorating. Except for the pictures. No offense, but they’re kind of ugly. [Pause] Will you put down the gun already?

LADY: Forget it.

THIEF: Don’t tell me you’re going to make me sit and stare at these hideous paintings till the police get here. May I have a magazine?

LADY: Shut up and sit!

THIEF: I need to go to the bathroom.

LADY: Hold it.

THIEF: I really need to go.

LADY: Hold it!

THIEF: You’re cruel, lady.

LADY: Sit still and be quiet or I’ll shoot.

THIEF: People have accidents when they’re nervous, lady. Threatening me with death might not be a good idea.

LADY: Fine. The bathroom is through that door. I’ll let you go on one condition.

THIEF: Anything.

LADY: You keep the door open.

THIEF: That’s disgusting. No way, lady.

LADY: Then you stay right there in that chair.

THIEF: Are you afraid I’ll escape?

LADY: That bathroom has no windows.

THIEF: Then what’s the problem?

LADY: I’m not letting you out of my sight. You might have a knife in your shoe or a derringer up your sleeve—

THIEF: Or a shotgun stuffed down each pant leg? You’ve seen too many police movies, lady. [Empties pockets] My pockets are empty, see? [Takes off ski mask] There’s nothing in my mask, either. Please don’t make me take off the rest of my clothes. That’s not a sight you want to see. [Pause] Come on, lady, do I look like a desperate murderer? Please let me use your bathroom.

LADY: I don’t trust you.

THIEF: Look, you can point your silly gun at the bathroom door till I come out.

LADY: What if you don’t come out?

THIEF: Then the police break into the bathroom when they arrive. I hope that doesn’t happen, though. Getting caught is embarrassing. Getting caught in the bathroom—I’d never live it down.

LADY: Fine. You have five minutes. Then I start shooting through the door.

THIEF: You can stop making threats, lady. Have I threatened you even once? Geez, anyone would think you were the criminal here.

LADY: Just go already. [Thief enters the bathroom and closes the door. Lady points the pistol at the door. After a long pause, she begins talking quietly to herself] What a jerk! He breaks into my house and then whines about everything as if he were the victim. He keeps making fun of me, too. I can’t believe he said my paintings were hideous. He has no appreciation for art. Unless—no, don’t let him get to you, Christina. He’s a criminal with no taste. [As she thinks aloud, Lady gradually lowers the pistol] Maybe he’s right. My paintings won’t sell. Maybe they are hideous. It’s like the story of the emperor’s new clothes. It was rude for that boy to yell, ‘The emperor isn’t wearing anything,’ but it was true. [Thief slowly opens bathroom door as Lady talks to herself] I’ve wanted some blunt criticism. Maybe this is it. Wouldn’t it be ironic if the only honest critique of my paintings came from a criminal? Face it, Christina. You need to get a real job.

THIEF: You should also think about getting a better grip on your gun.

LADY: [Pointing the pistol at Thief] Don’t startle me like that! What took you so long?

THIEF: Are you sure you want to know?

LADY: Sit down and be quiet. [Thief sits down. Lady takes the other chair, keeping the pistol pointed at him]

THIEF: Listen, lady, I’m not a good judge of art.

LADY: What?

THIEF: I have no taste for art, all right? I’ve never liked it. It drove me crazy when my college professors dragged me to art museums and made me look at paintings of acid trips and sculptures of decapitated nudes.

LADY: You went to college?

THIEF: Yup. Graduated summa cum laude.

LADY: You’re lying. What college?

THIEF: Harvard.

LADY: You’re definitely lying. What did you study?

THIEF: Poetry.

LADY: You expect me to believe you studied poetry at Harvard and graduated summa cum laude?

THIEF: I really don’t care what you believe, lady. I just want you to know I don’t have any appreciation for the visual arts. I’m sorry I insulted your paintings.

LADY: Forget it.

THIEF: I can’t say I like your paintings—frankly, I think they’re ugly—but they remind me of the ones I’ve seen in museums. Those museum paintings are the best of the best, so yours can’t be too bad.

LADY: If you’re trying to flatter me, you’re not doing a very good job.

THIEF: Fine, I’ll stop. I just wanted you to know I didn’t mean to insult your work. Don’t give up painting just because one person made a rude remark.

LADY: That’s not it. I wouldn’t quit for something so trivial.

THIEF: Then why?

LADY: Why should I tell you?

THIEF: Do you have anyone else to tell?

LADY: [Pause] I’m nearly broke. I sell my paintings, but I make hardly enough to cover rent and groceries. It’s only a matter of time before something breaks or I get sick, and then I’ll be destitute. What are you smiling about? This isn’t funny.

THIEF: I’m sorry—really. You reminded me of something, that’s all. So you don’t have much of an income?

LADY: I guess you picked the wrong house to rob.

THIEF: You think I broke in to steal your money? No, I was after your underwear.

LADY: [Outraged] What?

THIEF: I’m joking! Joking! Please don’t shoot me. I have no interest in your underclothes, I promise. Your jewelry is another matter. Do you have any?

LADY: None. Why did you choose to rob this house, anyway?

THIEF: It seemed convenient. The nearest town isn’t very near. Your garage was empty, so I assumed nobody was home.

LADY: I park out back.

THIEF: In that creepy grove of trees? No wonder I didn’t see it.

LADY: How did you get into the house?

THIEF: Let me teach you a life lesson, lady. Never hide your key under the doormat.

LADY: May I ask you another question?

THIEF: Sure, on one condition.

LADY: What?

THIEF: You put away the gun.

LADY: I still don’t trust you.

THIEF: Has it occurred to you that I might feel nervous with you pointing that thing at me? I’m afraid you’ll set it off by accident.

LADY: All right, I’ll put it down. But if you make one suspicious move—

THIEF: I got it the first time, lady.

LADY: Now may I ask that question?

THIEF: Ask away.

LADY: If you graduated summa cum laude from Harvard, why are you robbing houses? Shouldn’t you be writing books or something?

THIEF: I tried, lady. [Pause] You know, I’m curious to take a closer look at your paintings. Do you mind?

LADY: Go ahead, but I’m keeping my eyes on you. Damage any of my paintings and you’ll be sorry.

THIEF: [Rising from his chair and examining the nearest painting] What’s this one called?

LADY: Dreams.

THIEF: It looks more like a woman on a flying horse.

LADY: I had a dream in which I was riding a white horse galloping across the sky.

THIEF: That’s weird, lady. You’re lucky I’m not a psychoanalyst. [Moving to the next painting] What about this one? The one of the girl and the mirror?

LADY: That’s Delusions of Grandeur. I have a niece who dresses like a celebrity. I think she looks silly, so I painted a picture of a plain girl whose reflection is fashionable.

THIEF: You know, your paintings are growing on me. I wouldn’t want them in my apartment, but I’m beginning to think you’re on to something good.

LADY: I’m not letting you go, so it’s no use trying to sweet-talk me.

THIEF: I’m being serious, lady. [Returns to his chair and sits down] The police are taking their time, aren’t they?

LADY: I hope they get here soon.

THIEF: And cut short our blossoming friendship? You’re cold, lady.

LADY: May I ask you another question?

THIEF: Sure.

LADY: What happened?

THIEF: You’re going to have to be a lot more specific than that.

LADY: You said you tried writing a book or something. What happened?

THIEF: I really did graduate from Harvard, lady. I wanted to be a poet. I wrote a million poems, but none of them got noticed. To make a very long story short, I tried a number of other jobs and finally settled on housebreaking.

LADY: You were a poet?

THIEF: I wore a beret and everything. Most of my poems are still rattling around in my head. In fact, you reminded me of one a few minutes ago. I called it “The Painter.” It’s not very good, to be honest. I wrote it in fifteen minutes one night after receiving a rejection letter from a publisher.

LADY: Let’s hear it.

THIEF: Right now? Well, I guess I shouldn’t argue with you as long as you’ve got that gun. All right, here goes. [Stands and paces the room, losing himself in his performance] Upon a mountain rising from the earth / a painter lived and labored for his art. / As day by day the shining clouds gave birth / to wind and rain, he sat alone, apart / from all the dust and heat of crowds below. / The markets, gardens, brothels held no charm / for him whose paints were dew and sun and snow, / whose only tools were brush and eye and arm. / But only angels can forever dwell / in heaven’s halls above the dull earth’s strife. / Although he tried, the man could never sell / the paintings into which he poured his life. / At last he perished, hungry and alone, / his paintings lost among the crumbling stone. [Sits in his armchair] Not a masterpiece, but did it ever feel good to write.

LADY: I liked it.

THIEF: Really? I thought you of all people would hate a poem about a painter failing.

LADY: It was inspiring.

THIEF: I hope it didn’t inspire you to quit.

LADY: No, it inspired me to keep trying. I’d rather die on a mountaintop than put up with dull earth’s strife, or whatever you said it was.

THIEF: Not bad, lady. [The front door bangs open. Officers Thompson and Sharp enter cautiously with guns raised. Chief of Police enters behind them] Geez, it’s about time you guys got here. [Thompson and Sharp approach Thief, who raises his hands, and handcuff him]

CHIEF: I’m sorry we took so long, Miss Elbow. I’m glad you’re not hurt. What happened?

LADY: I heard the thief from my bedroom, threatened him with a pistol—

THIEF: And annoyed him with a good deal of unnecessary melodrama.

THOMPSEN: Quiet, you.

LADY: Then I called the police and waited.

CHIEF: You were very brave, Miss Elbow. I know you’ve had a rough night, but I’m afraid you’ll have to come with us to the station. We need to take your statement. [Speaking to Thompson and Sharp] Take him to the car.

LADY: Wait. [Thompson and Sharp freeze. Thief looks up hopefully] Do either of you have a camera?

SHARP: Sure. Why do you ask?

LADY: Could I get a picture with the thief?

THOMPSON/SHARP/THIEF: You’re joking.

LADY: Well?

CHIEF: This isn’t a game, Miss Elbow. He’s a criminal. He could hurt you.

THIEF: In case you haven’t noticed, I’m handcuffed. I don’t mind having a photo taken if the lady insists. I promise not to bite anybody.

CHIEF: Miss Elbow, please be serious.

LADY: I am.

THIEF: I think she is being serious. She’s an artist. Artists think differently from sane, well-adjusted people.

LADY: Please?

CHIEF: Fine. One photo. [Lady poses beside one of her paintings and motions for the others to join her]

THIEF: What painting is this?

LADY: The Artist.

THOMPSON: A man stargazing in the desert. Bleak.

THIEF: Forget the desert, Officer. The artist doesn’t pay attention to the desert. Look where he’s looking. Look up at the sky. Look at those stars. [Pause] It’s perfect, lady.

Chief of Police takes the camera from Sharp. The rest pose in front of the painting. Thief gives the victory sign. Lady smiles. Thompson and Sharp grin sheepishly. Chief of Police takes the photo, then Thompson and Sharp lead Thief from the room, followed closely by Lady and Chief of Police. The curtain falls.


Author’s Note:

I was once involved in a production of “The Brute” by Anton Chekhov—some of my readers may remember That Time I Was Trapped in a Stage Kiss—which begins with a man and woman arguing and ends with them falling in love.

I wanted to write something similar: a one-act play in which a woman catches a thief in her house. As they wait for the police to arrive, they talk about their lives and eventually fall in love. That was the plan, anyway. In the end, this goofy little sketch went in quite a different direction. It became a dirge for every creative person who struggles to market his or her creativity.

I love being creative. I hate marketing. I love writing. I hate publishing. Although I’ve had the patient support of many people—my agent, my family and my college professors, to mention just a few—the process of marketing my writing has been tough. This short, silly sketch is my way of complaining.

Zealot: A Christmas Story – Last Chapter: Luke

Chapter Five can be found here.

“Let us pause,” said Luke. “My fingers ache.”

“This was your idea,” said his companion, leaning back and gazing out over the city. From their vantage point upon the housetop, Rome gleamed in the morning light. Armor and chariots flashed as a military procession passed in the distance. The sun turned iron to silver and bronze to gold. It was a splendid sight.

Luke’s companion scratched his nose, evidently unimpressed.

“My dear Luke, you have only yourself to blame if your fingers ache. You insisted on taking notes.”

“A foolish decision,” said Luke. “This may come as a surprise, Paul, but other people are not always as wise as you. Not everyone can be as wise as Paul, whose writings are renowned in Rome and Jerusalem and all the provinces in between.”

“Do you think you are the only one ever to have suffered the pain of aching fingers?” asked Paul. “Every time I wrote a letter I asked, ‘O Lord, how long until you provide your servant with a scribe?’ My life has been difficult here in Rome, you know, but I have one great consolation: our brothers from the synagogue write my letters as I dictate.”

Luke nodded with mock seriousness. “It is certainly a blessing for the churches, which are no longer burdened with the difficulty of deciphering your handwriting. Your letters are hard enough to understand when they are written clearly.”

A moment passed as Luke flexed his fingers and loaded his quill with ink. “I am ready,” he announced. “Where were we? Ah, I remember. We left you dangling from the wall of Damascus in a basket. Paul, would you kindly pay attention? I will never finish my book unless you stay focused.”

“I apologize,” said Paul, rubbing his jaw. “I have a toothache.”

Luke laughed. “A toothache? I thought you were meditating.”

“I was thinking of someone I once knew,” said Paul. “I have thought of him often in past weeks.”

“Tell me.”

“Before my conversion, you know, I went from house to house in Jerusalem arresting all who professed faith in Jesus of Nazareth. One afternoon I raided a home where some of the Lord’s disciples were meeting. There were about a dozen men with me. The moment we entered the house, an old man jumped up and said to the others, ‘We are discovered. Run!’ Then he charged at us.”

Paul chuckled. “Since I was the first to go down, I do not remember exactly what happened. I was later informed our attacker knocked out five of us before he was arrested. The strange thing was that he stopped fighting once the other disciples had escaped. After his arrest, we learned the man’s name was Jehu. He had been a notorious assassin before becoming a disciple of the Messiah.”

“What happened to the man?” asked Luke.

Paul made a chopping motion across his neck. “There was no trial,” he added. “Jehu reminded me of Stephen. Neither was afraid to die. Jehu’s execution made quite an impression.”

“Besides the one he had already made upon your face, I suppose.”

Paul smiled gingerly. “My jaw hurt for weeks. Since then, I think of Jehu every time my teeth ache. You know, there is one thing I shall never forget about him.”

“What?”

“His eyes.”

“What about them?”

“They were the calmest and kindest I have ever seen.”


Author’s Note:

I enjoy telling a story from multiple perspectives. The Infinity Manuscript, a novella I posted as a serial on this blog, delivered each chapter from a different character’s point of view. As a writer, I like bouncing from one character to another as I tell a story. (I really hope it doesn’t annoy my readers.) This story is another victim of my favorite narrative trick, and it’s been fun for me to describe Jehu’s journey through the eyes of six different characters.

This story is also a victim of rushed rewrites and revisions. I’d like to expand, fix and polish it someday. Maybe next Christmas.

I like to imagine solemn historical figures having a lighter side. We don’t really get to see Luke, Paul or anyone in the New Testament being anything but serious. (Paul occasionally betrays a hint of humor, but not often.) I wonder what kind of things made men like Luke and Paul laugh. I mean, P.G. Wodehouse wasn’t born until 1881. What was funny before Wodehouse?

Thanks for reading!

Zealot: A Christmas Story – Chapter Five: Judas

Chapter Four can be found here.

A vast crowd sat in silence. Apart from the words of the rabbi, the only sounds to be heard were the distant twittering of birds and the occasional grunt as someone shifted position on the warm grass.

“There,” said Simon, poking Judas in the ribs. “The man with gray hair.”

Judas glanced at the stranger. “That fossil? You are joking, Simon.”

Simon nudged Judas again. “I am sure. He has aged, but I could never forget those eyes. He looks like a man who has gazed upon all the sorrows of the world.”

Judas watched the stranger for a minute before tugging on Simon’s sleeve. “You are mistaken, Simon. You may pretend to be a zealot, but you cannot pretend that frail old man is Jehu. I grew up hearing stories of an invisible assassin before whom Romans fell like wheat before the scythe. He is not that man.”

The stranger knelt in the grass, his head bowed, listening with half-closed eyes as the rabbi spoke of God’s mysteries. Once the old man glanced toward Judas.

“Is he drunk?” whispered Judas. “There is no life in his eyes.”

Simon stifled a chuckle. “What did you expect? Jehu has killed more men than any Roman legion has ever done. For more than thirty years, Rome has sought him in vain.”

The rabbi lifted up his voice. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person.”

Judas watched the stranger, overcome by morbid curiosity, wondering how he respond to such mild, peaceful words. The stranger neither moved nor spoke.

Time passed. As listeners came and went, the stranger knelt like a weathered statue, listening. The sun moved slowly overhead.

Beads of sweat ran down Judas’s face. “Is he almost done?” he muttered, glaring at the rabbi. “We are all hungry. He often speaks of spiritual bread, but he never seems to remember that we also need the worldly kind. My body is about to perish of hunger and leave my spirit homeless.”

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest,” said the rabbi.

“That sounds good,” grumbled Judas.

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

“What about our bodies?” whispered Judas. “Will we find rest for them?”

“For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

At that moment, Simon gave Judas such a jab in the side that he gasped in pain.

“Simon,” hissed Judas. “You may think you are a zealot, but I refuse to be your target practice.”

“Look at Jehu!” said Simon.

Judas looked. There, kneeling alone in the grass, the most vicious criminal in Judea, the man at whose name Romans cursed and Jews turned pale, wept openly.

Chapter Six can be found here.


Author’s Note:

I am reminded once again that grumpy, snarky characters are much more fun to write than solemn, serious ones. Judas may be kind of a jerk, but I think anyone who has sat through a really long sermon at church can sympathize with his impatience.

Jesus had twelve close disciples, and they were quite an odd bunch. Simon the Zealot presumably hated Rome. Matthew, also called Levi, was a tax collector who probably worked for the Roman authorities. The Gospels tell us the disciples of Jesus sometimes bickered, and I can believe it!

Peter was originally the star of this particular chapter. When he turned out to be such a complainer, I decided Judas Iscariot was a much better fit. After all, disillusionment with the long-awaited Jewish Messiah may have been Judas Iscariot’s motive for betraying Jesus to be executed.

Zealot: A Christmas Story – Chapter Four: Baraz

Chapter Three can be found here.

“I despise this filthy city.”

Having declared his opinion of Jerusalem, the City of God, Baraz coughed into a linen cloth and peered through the window lattice at the dusty streets.

“What misfortune to be struck with fever! As the others meet with King Herod, I am confined to this detestable hovel. The finest inn in all Jerusalem? Bah! A foul place. Are all the powers of heaven conspiring against me?”

Baraz’s servant chose that unfortunate moment to kick open the door and announce, “There is a visitor to see you, Master. He says he wishes to speak with you about the king of the Jews.”

A paroxysm of coughing overtook Baraz’s mocking laughter. As soon as he could speak again, he growled, “Kindly knock before entering. Are you my servant or a savage? I expect such behavior of a Scythian, but not of you.”

“Master, the king of the Jews—”

“I have no wish to speak with anyone about Herod,” grumbled Baraz. “We may seek his advice, but that does not mean we approve of him.”

“Not Herod, Master,” said the servant, fidgeting. “The king of the Jews.”

Baraz sat bolt upright. “Another king? Could it—bid our guest enter. Quickly! Do not stand there catching flies with your mouth, you simpleton! Bring in the visitor.”

The servant ushered in a man in a dark cloak. After one glance at the visitor, Baraz quietly rose from his stool and sidled behind a table.

“I am not here to hurt you,” said the stranger. “Be thankful, old man.”

Baraz instantly forgot his fear. “I am Baraz, a learned scholar of Persia,” he exclaiming, shaking a finger. “How dare you address me so impudently! Who are you to act with such brazen disrespect?”

“I am an armed man, and I will address you however I please.” Steel gleamed on the stranger’s arm as he pulled up a sleeve.

“Perhaps I spoke in haste,” said Baraz. He motioned toward a dining couch across the room. “You may recline. Do you care for wine or figs?”

Baraz studied the visitor as he filled a goblet with wine and sat upright on the couch. He had the grim, gaunt look of one to whom hardship was no stranger. More peculiar was his listless manner. The visitor’s tone was not menacing as he spoke of sicae. He sounded bored, as though threats were merely a formality.

“My servant tells me you have news of the king of the Jews,” said Baraz.

The man sipped his wine. “All Jerusalem buzzes with rumors of the wise men from the East. They follow the brightest star in the heavens, or so the tale goes. That star has perplexed all Herod’s wise men. It appeared suddenly, burning in the sky over Bethlehem.”

“What of the star?” inquired Baraz, feigning ignorance. “It is one star: a bright one, perhaps, but one of many.”

“It is not wise to bait me, old man,” said the visitor, setting down his goblet.

Baraz retreated a little farther behind the table. “I am not baiting you,” he said. “I merely inquire. Of what interest is the star to… a man in your line of work?”

“Freedom is my line of work,” said the stranger. “My name is Jehu, and I am a zealot.”

“I am unfamiliar with the word.”

“A zealot is either a revolutionary or a criminal. It depends upon whom you ask. I fight to free Israel from her oppressors. I am no rabbi, but even I have heard the prophecies about Bethlehem, the birthplace of the Messiah who will bring peace to Israel. When a sign appears in heaven over such a place, I am very much interested.”

Baraz gazed in puzzlement across the table at the visitor. “Why have you come to me? I am Persian. Forgive me—and kindly keep your weapon in your sleeve—but the peace of Israel is hardly my concern.”

“We both seek the Messiah, the true king of the Jews,” said the visitor. “Herod is a brute. The throne of Israel belongs to the Messiah of God. What I do not understand is why you are concerned.”

In spite of his nervousness, Baraz smiled. “Truth is always my concern. Ours is an ignorant world, is it not? Look out the window at the crowds kicking up dust like cattle. Everyone is a fool. You are a fool, Jehu. I am a fool. We are all fools stumbling in the dark. My companions and I are looking for truth, and we hope it may be found in this king of the Jews.”

“I once met a group of shepherds,” said Jehu, and finished his wine.

“Shepherds,” said Baraz, baffled.

“Shepherds,” repeated Jehu. “About two years ago in Bethlehem. They told me angels had proclaimed the birth of the Messiah: a baby in a manger. It was insanity, but there is something I have never forgotten.”

“What is that?”

“There was a baby in a manger that night. I saw him.”

Baraz could restrain himself no longer. “Jehu, why have you come? Is it upon this baby you have set your hopes? Do you wish for me to find this child, this boy in Bethlehem, to see whether he is the Messiah?”

It was at that moment Baraz saw tears on Jehu’s cheeks.

“I stab and slit and strangle,” said Jehu. “To what end? Rome still grinds Israel into the dust. My efforts are of no use. I am a man trying to hold back the tide of the sea. My soul is stained with blood, old man.”

“Dare I suggest taking up another profession?”

“God forgive me, I cannot stop. I must fight until Israel is free, but I cannot free her. Only the Messiah can save Israel. You are searching for him, and I have come today with one purpose.”

Baraz leaned forward. “Yes?”

“Go to Bethlehem, old man. Find the child in the manger. Help him, so that he can someday rescue Israel. As long as Israel is a slave, so am I.”

“We will find him,” said Baraz.

Without a word, Jehu set down his goblet and left.

Baraz coughed into his cloth and folded it meditatively. “We are nearing the end of our journey, I think,” he murmured. “I do not know whether the Messiah awaits us in Bethlehem, but any place is better than this vile Jerusalem!”

Chapter Five can be found here.


Author’s Note:

Posting this story on TMTF seemed like a good idea at the time. “A Christmas story gathering dust (or whatever virtual debris are gathered by computer files) in an archive of old writing? I can post it on TMTF!” Only after I’d committed to posting this story did I realize it was sort of awful. I’ve had to do some very hasty revisions and rewrites. While I’m still not satisfied with the result, Zealot: A Christmas Story is at least better than it was before. I guess that’s a step forward.

Not much is known about the Wise Men, so there’s lots of speculation. They fascinate me. The biblical narrative of Christ’s birth moves along smoothly, and then mysterious men arrive from “the East” in search of a king destined to rule a nation that no longer exists. In the end they deliver their gifts to Jesus, apparently oblivious to the fact that the king of the Jews is the child of peasants. Am I the only one who thinks that’s kind of weird?

Incidentally, grumpy old men are really fun to write. (I’m not much good at serious dialogue; I prefer characters with a sense of humor.) I think Baraz is my favorite character so far.

Zealot: A Christmas Story – Chapter Three: Caleb

Chapter Two can be found here.

Caleb ran down the street, jostling the others, yelling and whooping and laughing. The night was dark, but the dark did not matter. They had found a light, a light to illuminate Bethlehem and Judea and all the world, a light from which all shadows must flee.

“Halt, you rabble,” called a voice. Caleb stopped and looked around. His companions did the same. They saw no one. The streets, lined with dim buildings, were lit only by faint, flickering threads of lamplight leaking through window lattices. The sky above was a black abyss, untouched by gleam of moon or star.

“Who speaks?” asked Caleb, beaming. “Come, there is no need to be shy.”

“Get inside, you fools,” said the voice, and a man emerged from the gloom. “You must be mad or drunk or possessed by devils. I neither know nor care. However, as a fellow Jew, I give you this advice: get indoors and stay there.”

“We cannot,” said Caleb, and his companions murmured their assent. “We have seen him, and we must spread the news!”

“Seen whom?” demanded the stranger. “What news?”

“The Messiah!” cried one of Caleb’s companions.

The stranger reeled.

“Come, friend, and we will tell everything,” said Caleb, advancing upon the stranger and holding out his hand. “Come with us! We will show you.”

The stranger pulled a sword from beneath his cloak.

Caleb withdrew his hand and backed away. Then, unable to contain his mirth, he burst into a laugh. “Come, come, put it away,” he gasped. “No need for weapons. We mean no harm, friend.”

“Keep your distance,” said the stranger. He pointed the blade at Caleb, but his hand shook. “The Messiah? What in God’s name do you mean?”

“The Messiah,” repeated Caleb. “I cannot make it clearer. The Messiah of God has come to Bethlehem.”

The stranger lowered his sword. “Where is he?” he demanded. “This Messiah—where is he? If God, after so many centuries of silence, has finally given us his chosen leader, I will pledge myself to his service.”

“What is your name, friend?” inquired Caleb.

The question seemed to surprise the stranger. “Jehu the zealot,” he replied.

“I am Caleb the shepherd. These are my fellow shepherds: loyal sons of Jacob. Now that we know each other, let us take you to the Messiah.”

Jehu’s hands stopped shaking, and he wrinkled his nose. “Shepherds,” he muttered. “What a fool I am to be shaken by the gossip of shepherds. I ought to have known you by your smell.”

“Are you coming with us?” inquired Caleb.

“Go to your Messiah,” said Jehu. “If you ask politely, he may give you golden scepters and linen robes to replace your crooks and filthy rags.”

“He is sleeping in a manger,” said one of Caleb’s companions, and Jehu froze.

“What?” he whispered.

“Angels appeared to us as we watched our flocks,” explained Caleb, gesturing toward the fields lost in the darkness somewhere far beyond Bethlehem.

Caleb’s companions broke the silence.

“Brighter than the heart of a furnace!”

“White robes—whiter than I have ever seen—whiter than the clouds of heaven.”

“Like bolts of lightning frozen in the sky!”

“There was one angel,” said Caleb. “Then there were many. They told us of the Messiah, the Christ, the child wrapped in cloths and lying a manger somewhere in the town of David. We found him with his parents in a cave outside Bethlehem.”

“You are fools,” said Jehu. “What of your flocks?”

“Ah, I suppose they are out there somewhere,” said Caleb vaguely. “They no longer matter.”

“They are wiser than you,” said Jehu, and sheathed his sword. “They are witless and wandering, but even your sheep have more sense than to invent stories of angels and a Messiah in a manger. Farewell, and God forgive your insanity.”

Jehu vanished into the darkness. Caleb and his companions stood for a moment, watching. Then someone laughed, and they all laughed, and into the night they ran, ready to tell Bethlehem and Judea and all the world that the Messiah had come.

Chapter Four can be found here.


Author’s Note:

Although I wrote “Zealot: A Christmas Story” a year ago, I’ve had to rewrite most of it because, well, the original was awful. (This story isn’t great, but at least it’s better.) My good intentions of working on each chapter ahead of time have failed, so this chapter, like the first two, was written in a hurry. I’d have delayed it until next week, but Christmas waits for no man. I’ve got to get at least some of this story posted before the twenty-fifth!

At the time of the Nativity, being a shepherd was not exactly a glorious career. It was a hard, cold, lonely job with few benefits. Shepherds were pretty much the lowest of the low. That’s why it was frankly weird for Christ’s birth to have been announced to shepherds. Angels gave the good news not to kings or priests or philosophers, but to shepherds. Why shepherds? I’m not sure. Christ spent much of his time ministering to lowly people—beggars, lepers and prostitutes, among others—so perhaps it’s not so strange that shepherds were the first to hear the news of his arrival.

Zealot: A Christmas Story – Chapter Two: Judith

Chapter One can be found here.

Judith peered through the window and saw nothing. Moon and stars had been obscured by a blanket of clouds. Bethlehem had been plunged into darkness.

“When will Papa get home?” asked Rachel, tugging on Judith’s sleeve.

“Soon,” said Judith, and began to pray silently that her husband came home alive.

The Roman census had made Bethlehem a dangerous place. Bandits multiplied, eager to make a profit from the travelers flooding the roads. Hungry and desperate, many travelers were not above stealing anything they could to survive. It was a time for citizens of Bethlehem to bar their doors, wait and pray for God to guard them.

Judith had spent the day preparing for her husband’s homecoming: baking, cooking, cleaning and not daring to lapse into idleness. Idleness meant worry. Judith kept busy.

Someone hammered on the door, and Rachel flew to open it.

“Wait, child,” said Judith, and called, “Who knocks?”

“It is I, Benjamin, your one and only husband,” called a voice she knew. “Kindly open the door.”

Rachel threw open the door, cried “Papa!” and leapt into Benjamin’s arms. He tottered a few steps backward.

“My dear child,” he said, stroking her hair. “Judith, my love, I am home.”

“You are very late,” said Judith, and grinned. It was hard to be upset with Benjamin.

Benjamin carried Rachel inside. “We have a guest, my love.”

“Any guest is welcome,” said Judith.

Jehu stepped inside.

For an instant, Judith’s face betrayed disgust and fear. Then, speaking in a strained, quiet voice, she said, “Any guest but this one. He must go.”

Benjamin sat down on a cushion with Rachel on his lap. “My love, Jehu has come all the way from Jerusalem. We cannot turn him out into the cold.”

“Yes, we can,” said Judith.

“The night is dark, my love. The clouds covered the lights of heaven as we came into Bethlehem. I cannot leave my cousin to sleep in the streets on a night as gloomy as this.”

“I cannot allow a member of the Sicarii in my house,” said Judith. “He must go.”

Rachel looked up at Benjamin. “Papa, what does Sicarii mean?”

“You need not know,” replied Benjamin, biting his lip. “It is not a matter for children.”

“Tell her, my husband,” said Judith. “Rachel deserves to know what sort of man you have brought into her home tonight.”

Judith may not have been the head of the household, but she always had her way in arguments. Benjamin sighed, as usual, and submitted to his wife’s decision.

“You may sit, Jehu,” he said, making an effort to delay the inevitable. “There is no need for you to stand lifeless in the corner like an idol. For the moment, you are welcome here. Make yourself comfortable.”

Judith glanced fiercely at Benjamin. He held his daughter close and said, “Rachel, do you remember the stories of Joshua and David and the other great warriors of Israel?”

Rachel nodded.

“A Sicarii is a warrior who fights in secret. That is all, my daughter.”

Judith smiled. “I love you, my husband, for making the best of an ugly truth. Rachel, my child, the Sicarii are the dagger-men, murderers with sicae up their sleeves—secret blades to steal the lives of their enemies.”

Rachel stared at Jehu. “He has sicae in his sleeves?” she whispered.

“Well, Jehu?” said Judith. “She asks. Answer my daughter.”

Jehu reached up his right sleeve and withdrew a curved blade. “Just one,” he said. “One is all I need.”

Rachel gazed at Jehu, the grim stranger with a sword at his waist and a knife up his sleeve. “Papa, please let me go,” she whispered.

“My child,” said Benjamin, but stopped as his daughter squirmed in his arms.

“Please let me go,” she whimpered.

Benjamin released his daughter, and Rachel scuttled into a back room.

“Even children fear you, Jehu,” said Judith.

He scowled. “Your daughter fears the dark, dreadful dagger-men of your imagination. You frightened Rachel, not I.”

“Why have you come?” demanded Judith. “What brings you to Bethlehem?”

Jehu smiled, but his smile was darker than his scowl. “The Roman census, of course. Everyone is here for the census.”

“Do not lie to me,” snapped Judith.

“Your husband seemed an easy prey to bandits,” said Jehu. “I could not allow my cousin to travel alone.”

“Closer to the truth, yet no less a lie,” said Judith.

“Is this how you receive guests in Bethlehem, old man?” inquired Jehu. “Your child flees, your wife pries and you sit blinking like a drunkard.”

“Quiet,” said Benjamin, and a shadow of fear came over Judith. She had never heard such anguish in his voice.

“Josiah the priest was murdered yesterday,” continued Benjamin, speaking as though in pain. “A servant of the Most High, stabbed and left to die in the streets. Jerusalem erupted. Riots broke out. By the time the uproar had been quelled, the assassin had vanished. I know now where he has gone.”

“We both know Josiah was the governor’s puppet,” said Jehu, not looking at anyone. “A servant of the Most High? No, old man. A servant of Rome.”

“You killed a priest of God!” cried Benjamin, springing to his feet. He stood a moment, breathing heavily, and then sat down again on his cushion.

“I eliminated a traitor.”

There was a long silence. Judith opened her mouth to speak, but remained silent at a look from her husband. Benjamin, a soft man, seldom asserted his authority. When he did, Judith obeyed. Glaring at Jehu, she said nothing.

When Benjamin spoke, the anger had gone out of his voice. He sounded tired. “Jehu, what have you become? My cousin was not a man with blood on his hands. He was a good lad with bright eyes. Your eyes have become dull, Jehu. They are a drunkard’s eyes. You are intoxicated with blood, and it makes me sad.”

“I fight for our freedom,” protested Jehu. “I fight because I must. Rome grinds Israel into the dust. We must retaliate! What else can we do?”

“We can survive,” said Benjamin. “As we have done for hundreds of years, we can endure. It is not for us to overthrow empires. That is God’s business. We must await the Messiah who will set us free.”

“Will he come?” asked Jehu.

“What are you saying?” demanded Judith. She could not remain silent any longer.

“Will the Messiah come? We have waited hundreds of years. There are no more prophets. There are no more prophecies. The teachers of the law stoop to petty legalism, and God’s own temple is rebuilt as a political maneuver by a pagan king.”

“Do you plan to deliver Israel by murdering her priests?” asked Judith.

Jehu made no reply.

“It is best if you leave,” said Benjamin. “I am sorry, Jehu, but this is no place for you. God’s grace go with you, and may he lead you to a life of peace.”

“Get out,” said Judith.

Jehu opened the door and faded into the night. The lights of heaven had not rekindled, and the darkness was absolute.

Chapter Three can be found here.


Author’s Note:

When my old man told me about the Sicarii, the Jewish dagger-men who murdered their enemies in broad daylight and disappeared into the crowd, I was fascinated. Never mind Assassin’s Creed—this is history!

According to my old man, the Sicarii actually carried concealed blades. They would sidle up to their target in a crowd, slip the blade between the ribs, puncture the heart, withdraw the blade and slip away before anyone noticed them.

My tale of zealots and daggers may seem a bit grim for a Christmas story, but I don’t think it is. The Nativity is depicted as a bright, joyous event, but it came at a dark, dreary time in Jewish history. That’s partly why people were so excited about the Messiah. He would make everything right! He would restore Israel! In the meantime, the Sicarii and the zealots fought back. Everyone else endured, and waited, and hoped.

Nothing defines Christmas more than hope, I think.

Zealot: A Christmas Story – Chapter One: Benjamin

A stout man and a thin man walked the road to Bethlehem in silence. Above them, a full moon shone and stars blazed across the sky. Around them, dusty slopes stretched up into the night, gray in the moonlight, broken by trees and rocks and tufts of grass.

The stout man paused to gaze upward. “Turn your eyes to the stars, Jehu,” he said, puffing and wiping his brow. “Their beauty tonight is beyond compare.”

“To gehenna with the stars,” replied the thin man, looking resolutely downward. “We have no time for them. Keep moving, Benjamin.”

Panting, Benjamin spared enough breath to gasp in indignation. “You must not malign the works of the Most High. The heavens declare the glory of God, as it is written in the psalms. The skies proclaim the work of God’s hands. Day after day they pour forth speech—”

“Not unlike a fat old man of my acquaintance,” said Jehu, scowling at his companion. “I have heard enough of your prattle. We are near Bethlehem, and I beg you to hold your tongue until we get there.”

They walked on. Wind swished the grass and made branches creak. From over the hills came the faint noise of sheep bleating and men chatting, the sounds of a shepherd’s camp. As Jehu and Benjamin plodded along, their shadows stretched out before them, sharply black in the moonlight.

Jehu brought forth a sword from under his cloak and began to twirl it. Benjamin took a few steps back. “Do not fear me,” said Jehu. He smiled, which Benjamin did not find comforting. “Whom you must fear, Benjamin, are the bandits. Like the accursed Romans, they prey upon the weak and helpless.”

“Are we in danger?” whispered Benjamin.

“You are, perhaps,” said Jehu. “Fortunately for you, I am neither weak nor helpless. Stay close to me and you may live to see the lights of Bethlehem.”

Keeping a wary eye on the sword flashing in the moonlight, Benjamin moved a little closer to Jehu.

At last, as they came over the crest of a hill, they saw the lamps and fires of Bethlehem twinkling like golden stars far ahead. Still gasping for breath, Benjamin mumbled, “God be praised.”

Jehu said nothing and did not put away his sword.

“I am not a nervous man,” said Benjamin nervously. “Nevertheless, I admit to feeling perhaps just an echo of fear on this dark, dangerous road. It is good to see lights ahead. They speak to me of food and fire and wine—God preserve us, what is that?”

Jehu held his sword before him and peered into the darkness. “Benjamin, what do you see?”

“I see a cross. Some poor fool has been crucified.”

Jehu sighed and sheathed his sword. “Your eyes deceive you, old man. It is nothing but a pillar and crossbeam of wood. There is a cave in the rock. Someone must use it for a stable or storehouse. The cross you see is a support to keep the mouth of the cave from crumbling.”

“It is an omen,” said Benjamin, clutching Jehu’s sleeve. “The Almighty gives you this sign, Jehu. Your plans are folly. Turn away from them! Abandon your dreams of revolution, or a cross will become your future.”

“That is not a cross,” said Jehu, tearing his sleeve out of Benjamin’s grip. “That is a pillar and crossbeam. Only a fool—or a poet, which is no different—can look upon it and see an instrument of death. Gather your wits and stop babbling.”

Benjamin rubbed his face, wiping away sweat and tears. “I am concerned for you, Jehu. You were once my cousin, before you forsook all ties to family. You may not value your life, but I do.”

“We have wasted time enough,” said Jehu. “Bethlehem awaits.”

As they passed the mouth of the cave, they were startled by a cry from within.

“Is that the sound of a child?” whispered Benjamin.

Jehu’s face was grim. “There,” he said, pointing.

Moonlight poured into the cave, illuminating all but the farthest corners. The pillar and crossbeam supporting the ceiling cast the ruthless black shadow of a cross. A manger stood in the shadow. A woman knelt beside the manger. A man stood nearby, holding out a lamp that flickered uselessly in the moonlight.

“By Joseph’s bones,” murmured Benjamin. “A baby in a manger. In such dangerous times as these, what spirit of madness possessed these fools to take refuge in a filthy cave?”

“The Roman census,” said Jehu. “These fools left their home and dragged themselves across the country for this, a stable reeking of manure, because Rome told them to. Why does this child have no better bed than a cattle trough? The answer is simple. Rome felt it necessary to know exactly how many people are left in this country for her to grind beneath her heel.”

“You should not say such things, Jehu.”

“Why should I be silent? Look at that child. He lies in the shadow of a cross. He will live in the shadow of a cross. Unless we rise against Rome, we too shall live in the shadow of a cross, that bloody emblem of Roman brutality.”

Having regained his breath, Benjamin heaved a long, sad sigh. “You sound more like a zealot every day, Jehu. You have certainly mastered the rhetoric of the revolutionary. No, I do not wish to hear more,” he added as Jehu opened his mouth to reply. “I do not want to be told of Rome’s cruelties or your plans to repay them. I want safety and supper and a warm bed. I want to go home to my wife and daughter. Let us leave.”

They left the cave.

Chapter Two can be found here.


Author’s Note:

I wrote Zealot: A Christmas Story about a year ago because there are not enough Christmas stories about assassins.

When we think of the first Christmas, a stable and shepherds and wise men are usually the first things to come to our minds. In our imaginations, the Nativity exists in its own little bubble. As I wrote this story, I had great fun giving the Nativity its historical context, from the predictions of ancient prophets to the struggles of brave revolutionaries. At the heart of this story lies one man, a zealot, whose life of blood and secrecy begins to change when he meets a child born in the shadow of a cross.

Zealot: A Christmas Story will be posted in short chapters, one each Wednesday, until early January. Regular TMTF posts will continue to be posted on Mondays and Fridays.

Thanks for reading!

A Portrait of the Artist as a Performing Monkey

A Short Story

“Never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee,” muttered Gabriel Green, rummaging in his pocket for his cell phone.

“Gabe!” boomed the voice on the other end of the line. “Hello, hello, hello! This is your friendly neighborhood agent.”

“Good morning, Phil,” replied Gabriel, holding the phone several inches from his ear and looking around the café to see whether anyone else was bothered by the noise. “What do you want?”

“Vampires, Gabe, vampires!”

“If you’re looking for an introduction, I can’t help you,” said Gabriel, and sipped his coffee. “I don’t know any vampires.”

Raucous laughter rang from the phone’s speakers. “Ah, Gabe, you’re such a wit. No wonder you’re my favorite author. Are you working on a manuscript?”

“Yes, I’ve begun a novel—”

“Drop it and write me a book about vampires. Gabe, what was that noise? Did you choke?”

“That,” said Gabriel, “was the sound of your favorite author scoffing at you.”

“Vampires are hot right now,” said the voice on the phone. “We’ve got to build up your author cred. Vampires will do the trick—no publisher can resist a juicy vampire novel. You’re choking again, Gabe.”

“Scoffing,” corrected Gabriel. “Phil, explain to me exactly how a shoddy vampire novel will build up my literary credibility.”

“Your stuff is great, but it’s all niche,” said the voice on the phone, as though explaining to a toddler. “We’ve got to expand your platform. People read vampires. You write vampires. Bam! We’ve got magic. Anything you write about vampires will be a hit, or my name’s not Phil Lector.”

Gabe, realizing sips were no longer adequate, gulped his coffee. “Tell me, Phil. After writing this vampire novel, can I get back to my current manuscript?”

“Absolutely,” replied the voice on the phone.

“Fine,” said Gabriel, and swigged his coffee with the violent, jerking motion generally associated with men slugging vodka from small glasses. “You’ll get a vampire novel.”

“One teensy detail I forgot to mention,” said the voice on the phone. “I’ll need a chapter to show publishers as proof of concept. I want to see Chapter One of your novel on my desk by Tuesday morning.”

“Next Tuesday?”

“This Tuesday.”

Gabriel, who was swallowing the last of his coffee, choked.

“Don’t scoff at me, Gabe.”

“I was choking, Phil. Do you realize tomorrow is this Tuesday? I can’t write an entire chapter in one day.”

“Good luck,” said the voice on the phone, followed by a click ending the connection.

Ten minutes later, the proprietor of the café found Gabriel Green staring desolately into his coffee cup.

“You don’t look so good, pal,” he said. “Anything I can get for you?”

“Coffee,” rasped Gabriel. “Just leave the pot on the table.”

By evening, Gabriel Green had read seven encyclopedia articles about vampires, taken three walks in the park, drunk seventeen cups of coffee and written zero words. Deciding it was time for a break, he went to the kitchen to brew more coffee.

“I’m a performing monkey,” he told the coffeemaker.

The coffeemaker made no reply, except to gurgle softly as the coffee brewed.

“When my agent says, ‘Write a vampire story,’ I drench my pen in blood and write a vampire story. When my agent says, ‘Hold a book signing,’ I set up a table and hold a book signing. When my agent says, ‘Dance a polka,’ do you know what I do?”

The coffeemaker growled.

“That’s exactly right,” said Gabriel. “I dance a blasted polka. A performing monkey is exactly what I am. I need more coffee. Are you done?”

The coffeemaker, which was not done, growled again and hissed at him.

An impatient man would have raged at the appliance. Gabriel Green, being a man of mild temper, merely glowered at it until the coffee was ready.

Returning to his chair with the coffeepot, Gabriel sat down and tapped his desk with an irregular rhythm like the beating of a worn-out heart. A blank notebook page lay before him.

“Theirs not to make reply,” he mumbled. “Theirs not to reason why, theirs but to do and die. Into the valley of Death rode the six hundred.”

With that, he stopped tapping, picked up a pen and wrote It at the top of the page.

A minute passed, and the tapping resumed. Gabriel’s face was as empty as the page on the desk before him.

“It what?” he asked. “It was a dark and stormy night? Clichéd. It is well with my soul? Not particularly true tonight. It is a truth universally acknowledged—merciful God, no. Come on, Gabriel. What about it?”

Apart from the tapping, there was complete silence in Gabriel’s apartment. An ardent believer in creating the right mood for writing, he had switched off all the lights except the lamp over his desk. A moth dancing around the bulb sent a vast shadow swooping about the bedroom, but he failed to notice. His attention was riveted on two little letters.

It took three more cups of coffee, but Gabriel finally succeeded in picking up his pen and writing is.

“It is,” he said, and repeated the phrase several times. “What is it? What in the blazes is it?”

Gabriel pulled out another sheet of paper and doodled stick figures fighting with rapiers. The figure of a princess with a flowing gown watched the duel, clutching her blank face with stick hands. A blazing sun appeared over the scene. Hills sprang up in the background.

As he drew a knight riding to the rescue on a stick horse, Gabriel remembered the words It is and felt a fresh wave of panic.

“I’ve never had writer’s block,” he mused, crumpling his drawing and hurling it across the bedroom. “It was always a problem that affected other people and left me alone, like cancer or car accidents.”

The crumpled drawing ricocheted off the far wall and landed on the bed where it lay like a pale, pathetic, papery cabbage.

Gabriel sat back in his chair and rubbed his temples. “What’s wrong with me? Gabriel Green doesn’t get writer’s block. No real writer gets writer’s block. Do performing monkeys get writer’s block?”

An hour passed, and he returned to the kitchen to make another pot of coffee.

“Twenty-two cups,” he informed the coffeemaker. “A record.”

The page lay upon his desk with its two solitary words. They leaped out at Gabriel like an accusation as he sat down and picked up his pen. A cataract of words began to pour through his mind, but none of them completed the phrase he had begun.

An appropriate word occurred to him at last. He scribbled it, signed the page and went to bed.

Phil Lector came into his office on Tuesday morning to find a single notebook page in his inbox. Puzzled, he picked it up and read it.

It is impossible. Gabriel Green.


Author’s Note:

My grandfather told me that James Thurber, the famous humorist, once sat down to write something under pressure. He jotted down The and then stared at the paper for a long time, trying to think of more words to write. At last, unable to think of anything, he scribbled a curse word and went to bed.

Apart from Thurber’s influence, this story demonstrates my love of coffee, loathing of shoddy vampire fiction and discontent with the publishing industry, which too often values marketability over good writing.

Thanks for reading!

The Infinity Manuscript, Part 12: The Tale of the Servant

The eleventh part of this story can be found here.

The servant boy called himself Gilbert Sleight, but no one in the Emperor’s Palace remembered his name. They were content to address him as boy and refer to him as the housekeeper’s urchin. The Emperor had many servants. Few people ever took the trouble to tell them apart, and no one bothered learning names.

For days, gossip had spread among the servants of a secret meeting to be held between the Emperor and Jerem the Plague. What a sensational idea! As though His Excellency Cecil the Immortal, who did not deign to speak with common citizens, would confer with the most infamous criminal ever to have lived!

Taking the rumors seriously, Sleight began haunting the corridors near the Emperor’s study. He had spent only two weeks in the palace, but he knew there was no other place His Excellency would choose to meet secretly with guests.

Sure enough, an hour before noon one sunny morning, Sleight heard the soft tinkle of a bell. This was a signal for all servants in the vicinity to disappear. Apart from his personal attendants, the Emperor hated the sight of servants.

An attendant appeared, ringing a silver bell and looking around. “Boy!” he hissed. “His Excellency is on the way to his study with guests. Clear the way of servants, and then get out of sight. Quickly, boy! The Emperor’s mood today is vicious.”

Sleight sprinted to the Emperor’s study, motioning to the servants along the way to withdraw from sight. Clutching rags, mops and buckets, maids and housekeepers ducked into spare rooms.

Upon reaching the door to the study, Sleight paused to look around. Everyone was gone. He slipped inside. A fire blazed in the hearth and a table was loaded with refreshments. Sleight had intended to hide under the Emperor’s desk, but the table seemed like a safer alternative.

He ducked beneath it and waited, hidden from view by the tablecloth.

The door opened.

“Here we are,” said the Emperor. “Attendant, go away. Anyone I see lurking in the hall when I open the door ends up on the executioner’s block.”

Listening intently, Sleight heard the attendant scuttle away and several people enter the room.

“Your Excellency,” said a woman’s voice he did not recognize. “I’ve brought the prisoner as you ordered. Do you have any further instructions?”

“You’re dismissed, Paladin Fey,” said the Emperor.

“May I be allowed to stay?”

“I said you’re dismissed.”

“Then permit me to send in your personal guard, Your Excellency. With due respect, Jerem the Plague—”

“Shut up and get out,” said the Emperor.

Sleight heard a click as the woman snapped her boots together in a salute, and then the sound of footsteps as she moved toward the door.

“Goodbye, Viv,” said a familiar voice. “I’m sorry for everything, and thank you.”

The footsteps paused at the door.

“Get out!” shouted the Emperor.

The door shut, and the woman’s footsteps faded.

“I wish I could say I was glad to see you, Cecil,” said a man’s voice. “To be honest, I’m mostly annoyed. Seven years, man. Seven years! You’ve spent seven years spreading lies about me.”

Sleight guessed the voice must belong to Jerem the Plague. He sounded younger than Sleight had expected.

“Quiet, Jerem,” snapped the Emperor, and added in a gentler voice, “Innocent, what stories has this wretch told you?”

“I’ll sum it up quickly, Your Excellency,” said the familiar voice. “Jerem told me this world is a fantasy, created when you wrote in the Infinity Manuscript. You’re both immortal because illusions can’t hurt you. He wants to destroy the Manuscript to dispel this fake world and send you both back to the real one. You want to stay, so you’ve hidden the only remaining page of the Manuscript.”

“Filthy lies,” exclaimed the Emperor. “You asked for an appointment, Innocent. I gave it to you so that I could explain everything. Jerem, you scum, don’t interrupt.”

“You got it, Cecil,” said Jerem. “I can’t wait to hear the explanation you’ve cooked up.”

The Emperor cleared his throat. “A long time ago, Innocent, the gods created the world by writing in the Infinity Manuscript. This much you’ve already heard. What you don’t know is that the gods appointed me as the Manuscript’s guardian. That’s why I’m immortal, see?

“As for Jerem, a god of discord chose him to wreck the world by burning the Manuscript. That’s why I split up the Manuscript’s pages and hid them all over the Orofino Empire, see? That malevolent god made Jerem immortal, and we’ve been enemies since the beginning of history.

“I’ve failed as a guardian. Jerem has managed to destroy all the pages but one. He’s here today to burn that last page. You can’t let him, Innocent! He’s lying to you. This world is real. He wants to ruin it. I guess it’s only a matter of time till he succeeds, but I want as many people as possible to live out their lives in peace before he does. Listen to me. Don’t believe him.”

There was a long silence, broken only by the crackling of the fire.

“Well, Innocent?” said Jerem. “You’ve heard both sides of the story. Which do you believe?”

“His Excellency’s explanation intrigues me,” said Innocent. “It makes sense of the facts. If it’s true, this world is real. If it’s true, I really exist. I want to believe it.”

“But do you believe it?” asked Jerem.

Innocent sighed. “What I want to believe and what I truly believe are different things, I’m afraid.”

“What if you’re wrong?” demanded the Emperor. “Millions of lives are at stake, Innocent! This isn’t your decision to make.”

“It’s Jerem’s decision, and he’s made it. The only decision I’ve made is to believe him.”

The Emperor laughed. “Fine. Believe whatever you want. This is all hypothetical, because you’re never going to find the last page.”

Innocent raised his voice and spoke a single word.

“Gil.”

Like a stone from a sling, Sleight shot out from under the table and darted across the study. “Here you go,” he said, handing over a piece of paper to Innocent.

“I’m afraid it’s not hypothetical, Your Excellency,” said Innocent, holding up the paper. “This is the final page.”

For an instant, the Emperor stood perfectly still with his mouth open. Then he slumped into his chair and sat blinking and gulping. “How—how did you—how?” he stammered at last.

“I’m sorry for giving you such a shock, Your Excellency,” said Innocent, unable to repress a smile. “Years ago, when I was a Paladin, I had friends all over the Empire—people who owed me favors. While traveling with Jerem, I sent letters to some of those people.”

He gestured toward Sleight. “This is a friend of mine from Green Isle.”

“Gilbert,” said Sleight, grinning. “Most people back home called me Gil.”

“I persuaded one of my old friends to bring Gil to the Emperor’s City,” continued Innocent. “Gil became a servant in an official’s house. He was transferred to this palace within a week, thanks to the influence of another old friend of mine.”

“That’s when I met Mist the Plunderer,” said Sleight.

Innocent chuckled. “You might remember him better as Theobald Loxley, Your Excellency. Before Jerem and I left Paladin Fey and her team, I gave Loxley a letter. It instructed him to travel immediately to the Emperor’s City and stay until someone made contact with him.”

“One of Innocent’s old friends arranged for Mist and me to meet,” said Sleight. “I grew up hearing stories about Mist, so meeting him was a dream come true. One night we snuck into the palace together and went looking for the missing page.”

“How did you know I had it?” rasped the Emperor.

Jerem laughed. “We used to be friends, remember? I remembered you were a nervous guy and figured you’d keep at least one page in a place where you could check on it.”

“I’d never have found the page on my own,” said Sleight. “It was a good thing Mist is a pro. I told him everything I knew about you, Your Excellency. Right away he figured out you’d keep the page in the place where you feel safest, and everyone in the palace knows it’s this study.”

“But the hiding place,” said the Emperor, and faltered.

“Mist knew that too. He took one look around the study and said, ‘It’s in a book.’ When I asked why, he told me, ‘The best place to hide a pebble is on the beach, and the best place to hide a page is in a book.’ It took hours, but we found the page. I’ve kept it with me since, waiting for Innocent to show up. Here he is, and there’s the page.”

“Where is Loxley?” asked Innocent. “I’d like to say goodbye.”

“He’s probably kicking back at a tavern,” replied Sleight. “After we found the page, he told me he was retiring.”

“Listen to me, son,” said the Emperor, sweating. “You heard my explanation, right? I’m the guy the gods appointed to protect the Manuscript. Jerem wants to destroy it, and the world with it. If you let him take the page, you’ll be responsible for millions of deaths.”

“Not if you’re lying,” said Sleight.

“Even if I were lying—hypothetically speaking—you’ll stop existing the second that page is gone. Don’t you want to live?”

Sleight felt a lump in his throat, but swallowed it and took Innocent’s hand. “Your Excellency, I’ve been a thief all my life. Other children threw sand at me. Merchants yelled at me. Everyone else ignored me. Only one person ever helped me, and he’s right here.”

“You can’t believe him!” screeched the Emperor. “That man is working for Jerem the Plague. He’s a criminal—a monster—a murderer!”

“He’s Innocent,” said Sleight. “He’s the same man who helped me in Green Isle, and I trust him. If he says burning the page is best, it’s best.”

After giving Jerem the page, Innocent knelt next to Sleight and put an arm around his shoulders.

“You did great, Gil.”

The Emperor had gathered himself up in his chair and looked ready to spring.

Jerem held the paper over the fire in the hearth. “Hold it, Cecil. One move and the page is toast. Stay in your chair while I say goodbye, and then we go home.”

“Stop him!” squealed the Emperor. “Innocent, stop him!”

“I’ll burn the page the instant I hear another word out of you,” grumbled Jerem. “Seriously, Cecil, stop being a jerk and let me say goodbye. Listen, you guys,” he added to Sleight and Innocent. “There’s no way I can—I mean, you’re just—dang it, I’m not good at this kind of thing. Gil, you’re awesome. Thanks.”

Sleight wiped his eyes and said, “Just go already, will you?”

Jerem took a deep breath. “This is it, Innocent. If I were in your place, I’d be furious at the unfairness of it all. I’d hate the guy who said the world was fake, but you never blamed me.”

“It’s not too hard to give up what was never really mine,” said Innocent. Tears ran down his face, but he was smiling.

“I’ll never forget you, Innocent. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“All fantasies have to end sooner or later, I suppose. This world and its people can’t exist, but I’m happy to know they’ll remain as memories. You’re a good man, Jerem. Now go. Live your life. Think of me when you drink coffee, will you?”

Jerem nodded, sniffled once and dropped the last page of the Infinity Manuscript into the fire.

Sleight felt Innocent’s arm tighten around his shoulders as the world faded to white.

The End